Lucid Stream

With the new year approaching and this past year coming to a close, I figured I'd take some time to write about anything and everything that crosses my mind as it comes up. My apologies in advance for the lack of rhyme or reason.

I've been dating Jen for 15 months as of yesterday! Well, officially it has been 15 months, but unofficially it's closer to 22 months. This is actually the longest relationship I've ever had, and it's the only one that I've ever felt this good about. I'd be lying if I said managing a long-distance relationship was easy, but we do everything in our power to make it work and truly cherish the time we have together.

People have been asking me lately who my favorite band is and I'd definitely have to say it's Deerhunter. The reason I've grown to love them so much truly was a matter of timing. I got into them around the time I had relocated to Maryland. It was a rough few months for me, between the winter blues and the loneliness that manifested as the excitement of moving faded away, but Deerhunter kept me sane. It was therapeutic. I was initially drawn to their latest album, Halycon Digest, because of the standout songs on the album that seemed to overflow with energetic optimism despite the generally pessimistic lyrics. The whole album had such a profound sense of nostalgia to it. I later became acquainted with their older work as well, which I'd say is much darker but equally as beautiful and mesmerising.

I've become increasingly interested in U.S. politics over the last year and have been keeping up with it almost every day. Seriously. None of my friends really follow politics as far as I'm aware though, so I don't really have many outlets to make conversational use of this knowledge.

Last night, I drove up to Cedar Grove with Mike to visit Casey, Kim, and Brian. It was really nice to see everyone again (I just wish Mark was there too), and it didn't take long before we were all laughing together just like we always used to. In these changing times, it's comforting to know that our friendship will be constant.

I've been trying really hard to keep an open mind. Whereas some may have explicitly dismissed friends based on a particular instance or openly judged others based on the choices they've made, I've tried to see things from every point of view. Society often tends to be narrowminded and thinks that the world is black or white, right or wrong, and that simply is not the case. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions of course. I admit, however, that I still sometimes find myself falling short and succumbing to being narrowminded, judgmental, or naive. This is something I'll need to continue to work at. Honestly, we all should.

Quite a few people have been asking me how my job has been going and I'm never really sure how to respond; I feel like there isn't much to talk about really. It's sort of a shame that I spend the majority of my waking hours at this job and I can't even translate that into basic conversation.

I've found myself thinking about my old front end manager job at A&P lately. In a strange way, I actually kind of miss it. I met a lot of awesome (and some crazy) people there, and held a large amount of responsibilities while still managing to have fun. I've been reminiscing about Fort Monmouth too, and all the inside jokes I'd have with the interns there. I miss them so much. We had way too much fun at that job.

For quite some time, my short-term career goal was to become a CPA and work for a public accounting firm, and my long-term career goal was to ultimately hold a senior position in the accounting or business department of a federal agency such as the GAO, FBI, or NASA. Looking back now, I obviously did not achieve my short-term goal. Sure, I earned the 150 credits necessary to take the CPA exams, but I never took any CPA prep classes or even signed up the exams. I also wasn't able to secure a job at a public accounting firm because the economy was so terrible then. But I'm actually okay with that; I think I'd rather be a budget and financial analyst than a full-fledged accountant anyway (CPA is still a possibility if future jobs seek it). As for my long-term goals, well... those aren't my long-term goals anymore. I'm not sure where I even see myself in five years at this point, but I'm realizing now that sticking with the federal government isn't for me.

In just a few days, I'll be ringing in the new year with a bunch of friends in Vermont. I'm really excited for this week-long vacation. I'm finally going to attempt skiing while I'm there, and there will be a giant group of us living together all week, so I'm interested to see how everything will play out.

My dreams are typically nothing out of the ordinary, which is why one particular dream I had earlier this year ago stood out so prominently. I remember waiting in line at one of my favorite pizzerias to place my order, but looked down to find that I was somehow hovering half a foot off the ground. I realized that I could use my mind to propel myself upward and float in place while airborne. It was as if I was using a jet pack without the jet pack. After realizing I could hover, I remember walking out to a random field with Mark and attempting to see how high I could propel myself. I got maybe 50 feet in the air or so and then I just kind of floated up there and admired the view. And after having that dream, I've found myself hovering in later dreams from time to time, like it's no big deal. It's as if my dream-self had actually learned the ability to hover. My only complaint with my hover ability, however, is that it doesn't really give me much horizontal mobility, so I definitely would not consider it as flying.

I want to start practicing lucid dreaming. Maybe one day I will learn to fly?

In Love With Dusk

Whenever I have a late night craving for pizza or beer (granted it's not the best pizza nor the most-affordable beer), I can simply take a short stroll down an alleyway near my apartment that leads directly to a number of local stores. It's a walk I've grown to enjoy, although I'm sure most tourists would feel differently due to the fact that it's lined with desolate-looking apartments and occasional vine-covered brick walls. Whereas some might consider walking this alleyway at night to be unnervingly creepy, I find it to be eerily beautiful. Perhaps this is a representation of my feelings towards Baltimore as a whole.

The truth is, the general public tends to depict Baltimore as an impoverished city that is dangerous and unwelcoming, but that's not what resonates with me. Sure, there are bad areas and the crime rate is pretty high, but I'm not bothered by that; I feel that's all overshadowed by the city's quirky culture, historic architecture, and unique charm that I've become accustomed to over the past five months. I've actually had visitors on both sides of the spectrum. For instance, I've had some family friends visit who seemed uneasy traveling around the city at night, but I've also had lots of friends visit who've found the same charm in the city that I have and realize that there's nothing to worry about. I truly am happy with my decision to move here from Abingdon. I've even felt more at home here than I have in my hometown lately (speaking in geographical terms, not necessarily in social terms).

I love Baltimore. There's just something comforting about it.

Soon, My Friend

There was a period of my life in which seemingly everyone was happy. I became closer with old friends and made lots of new ones too. We were all truly connected, channeling positive energy to each other and sharing this overwhelming feeling of mutual love. The lazy hangouts, the concerts, the parties, and the talks; everything was joyous and light and easy and perfect. It was my euphoria. I've experienced this sense of genuinely belonging to something wonderful since then, but I feel like it's usually fleeting.

For someone who feels that their recent social expectations at parties and group-hangouts are rarely met, this weekend was a welcome exception. There was no excessive drama; only positive vibes and bonding of the caliber I was once so accustomed to. The weekend just felt so complete - we had plenty of lazy hangouts, attended a mind-blowingly awesome M83 concert, and partied one night in D.C. and two nights in Baltimore (one night involved everyone dressed up as Clue characters). I had some memorable chats as well, ranging from outlandishly silly group discussions to some much needed one-on-one conversations (whether it be during a jog to the Inner Harbor or at a random bar before M83). There was also a certain sense of randomness to the weekend that made it extra special. Something as simple as hearing the Ducktails theme song at a bar or finding tetris costumes in the streets of Fells Point made an already fantastic few days with friends absolutely perfect.

Even though my weekend adventures have come to an end, I'm still in a really good mood, which is pretty unusual considering recent trends. I'm starting to feel more like my old self again, and I have my friends to thank for that.

Perhaps life is a lot like tetris in the sense that you don't always know what's coming next, but you can hope that, in the end, everything will fall into place.

Semi-Fiction

Truth be told, I've been spending lots of time with my new friends lately, whether it be the lively folks of the parks department from the obese city of Pawnee, the extremely unprofessional catering company of struggling actors and writers from Los Angeles, or the unlikely duo from Albuquerque who cook and sell meth. Okay, so maybe those are just TV shows. But seriously, my free time over the last month has almost exclusively been dedicated to following the scripted lives of these entertaining but fictional characters.

I should find a new hobby. Or maybe real friends.

At Home Now

My first month of city life in Baltimore has been really good to me. I honestly love the apartment and the surrounding area is beautiful. I've been spending most of my free time exploring the city and familiarizing myself with my new home, as well as checking out some local bars.

I'm excited to be living with Mike. I think living with someone who you share so much history with, whether it be past memories, inside jokes, or common treads, certainly is ideal. We've been very good friends for the past 5 years, and I can easily see this living situation making us even closer. Mike and I actually heard music from our deck the other week and stumbled upon a free concert right down the street, which was really sweet. It's so enjoyable living in a more lively community. And best of all, friends have visited Maryland more frequently in the last few weeks than anyone really has in the last nine months, which I could not be happier about.

Sometimes, New Jersey

While gallivanting around facebook recently, I came across a "people you might know" page that listed tons of classmates from my high school days. I was pleasantly surprised to see that a good deal of people have started their careers, many of which are jobs in different locations all over the country. But on the flip side, there was a significant percentage of lazy people who don't seem to do anything with their lives; they just settle for two years of community college with no ambition to challenge themselves to a real career or to move elsewhere if necessary. Their loss?

I was thinking today about how local opinion on New Jersey is so divided. Some clearly love it and could never imagine living elsewhere. Others like to complain about New Jersey and their urge to leave it, but then don't actually do anything about it. I've also noticed that basically every person I've met who has moved away from New Jersey has admitted to missing it from time to time. Love it or hate it, it's always a part of you. My personal stance is that New Jersey is where I grew up and, hence, will always be close to my heart, but there's a whole world out there that's just begging to be explored. I have a feeling I'll always take any travel opportunities that come my way. I mean, why settle? Dare yourself to apply for jobs elsewhere. Expose yourself to new places and new ways of seeing things. Travel for travel's sake.

And that's exactly what I did. With the help of Chris and Michelle, I officially moved into my new apartment in the Mt. Vernon area of Baltimore on saturday. I couldn't be more excited about the place. A new home in a new city calls for a new haiku:

Baltimore City

I'll check out all of the bars

And maybe get shot?

Twin Of Myself

This blog post has literally been two years in the making.

Upon starting this blog about two years ago, I wanted to write about an issue that has always been in the back of my mind. But after initially typing it all up, I felt that releasing this entry to the blogosphere would be too revealing of insecurities that are nobody's business but my own. Hence, this blog post remained hidden away as a draft ever since, although it has been occasionally modified over time. Considering that this subject matter was somewhat accidently unearthed a few nights ago, I might as well comment on it now.

If there's one major shortcoming that can be attributed with being a twin, it's the inevitable truth that you'll always being compared to one another. After all, you were born on the same day. You look fairly similar. You share many of the same interests and experiences. You've spent your entire lives together thus far. So naturally, comparisons between twins are bound to happen. And they don't always end well.

Since my twin brother and I grew up having the same groups of friends, it only intensified the likelihood and frequency of the two of us being directly compared. For instance, one of my hometown friends once thought it'd be appropriate to propose the "who's the better twin?" question as a legitimate dinner discussion at the diner. At first I interpreted it as a playful joke, but as the conversation dragged on, I began to think otherwise. They eventually concluded that my brother was the "cooler" one. I can't say I was surprised though; I got these vibes in middle school and high school that I was the less popular one (and I've never really denied it), which resulted in a lingering fear of inferiority. What's unfortunate about the types of situations is that someone always gets hurt, even if it's by family or friends. Whereas one party is praised, the other party can receive a major blow to their self-esteem (and it's important to note that it works both ways). In retrospect, I'm sure the conversation was intended as a joke, but there's still truthful undertones to what was said that still resonates with me.

For a brief period of time, there was the possibility of my twin brother and I going away to the same college, and that honestly worried me. Don't get me wrong - I love my brother to death, but I knew that I needed to get away and go to my own college. I needed to make my own friends and be my own person. I needed individuality and confidence in myself. And I think, to an extent, I accomplished that.

I recently read an article about sibling rivalry (we luckily never fought much while growing up) and how the frequency of comparative and competitive situations are greatly heightened between twins. The article went on to suggest that low self-esteem, depression, and jealousy are likely in twins when one sibling feels out-performed by their other sibling in some way. Studies have proven that a twin who is out-performed is likely to abandon an activity completely to avoid direct competition, even if they show some potential themselves.

Reading this instantly reminded me of when my twin brother and I were both interested in art and would draw cartoons all the time. My brother has always been very talented, and he knew early on that it was his passion. As for myself, I eventually abandoned art in high school because I felt overshadowed by my brother's potential (and I felt it was more of a hobby than a career choice for me). I took a desktop publishing class in attempt to transition my interest from traditional art and cartooning to graphics arts and digital publishing. Although I did very well in the class, enjoyed the work that was involved, and went on to take a desktop publishing independent study, I still felt that it did not differentiate me enough from my brother's interests. As a result, I decided instead to pursue business as my father and grandfather did. I like to think of myself as a creative individual, and so I still wonder to this day how different my life would've been if I didn't give up on that particular interest which might've better tapped into my creative side. But it is what it is, I guess.

Despite the personal identity struggles involved, however, being a twin is one of the greatest gifts imaginable. To have a best friend who you can share so many memories with and relate to on so many levels is truly wonderful, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

New Theory

It's interesting to read what I wrote on this blog around this time last year (see "New Terrain"). At that point in my life, I had recently graduated college and was already going through withdrawal. I was also tossing around the idea of moving to Maryland, but I wasn't really considering it as a realistic option. I would've never guessed a year ago that I'd be where I am today. And with that said, it's hard to imagine what this time next year will bring.

My blog entries over the past few months have mentioned that I want to explore Baltimore to a greater extent, establish a better social life down here, and live in a city some day. And now it appears I can kill three birds with one stone. As of mid-July, I'll officially be living in Baltimore! City life will be a big change for me, but I'm looking forward to it. Mike is moving down to Maryland for grad school, and we just recently signed a 12-month lease for a two-floor apartment in the Mt. Vernon neighborhood. The apartment has a private deck as well. I've known Mike for five years now and this is the first time we'll be living together, so I'm really excited.

I'm hoping people will visit and hang out in Baltimore with us. I feel like I'm always pestering people about visiting me though, and that obviously hasn't been working (with some exceptions), so I'll stop. I don't want to become annoying. I'm taking a more passive approach going forward, which will include less of me nudging people to visit and more reliance on people to choose for themselves if and when they'd like to see me and where I live.

Mark actually visited me in Abingdon last week and we went to Baltimore to see Portugal. The Man. The concert was awesome; they played almost all the songs I wanted to hear. We stopped off at a bar afterwards and continued to hang out at the house until 3:30 in the morning, even though we both had work a few hours later. It was absolutely worth the sleep deprivation. We had some really meaningful chats, which was something I sensed we both needed.

Speaking of things that are much needed, I went on a vacation to the Outer Banks during the week of Memorial Day. It was my sixth time in OBX, although I didn't go with the usual crew; this time I went with Jen, Shawn, Emily, Corey, and a few others. We had a solid group of people and perfect weather as well. It was great to be able to see Jen and some of my friends every day when I usually live so far away from them. One of my favorite moments of the vacation had to be the Beer Olympics, which consisted of Beer Pong, Flip Cup, Drink Ball, Chandelier, Civil War, Disk Chug, and Relay all in one night. My team (Ireland) got in last place, but we won Civil War and easily had the best team spirit (we danced an irish jig and high-fived an awful lot). My other favorite moment of the trip was when we were all laying on the beach at night and looking up at the stars.

I've been watching a lot of new TV shows lately. After countless months of my twin brother and Corey telling me to watch Better Off Ted, I've finally seen the pilot and have started watching the series. I also finished two seasons of Parks and Recreation in just a few weeks (I highly recommend it to everyone who likes The Office), and I've been watching Shameless as well. It's funny how obsessed I get with shows once I start watching them; it's like an addiction.

I bought Portal 2 a few weeks ago, Little Big Planet 2 a few months ago, and Super Mario Galaxy 2 almost a year ago, and I haven't played much of any of them yet. I've also borrowed Chris's copy of Kingdom Hearts for over a year now and have yet to make much progress. I feel like I'm slowly starting to get into video games again though, so atleast I'm covered for a while with plenty to play.

I'm seeing Yeasayer in Philadelphia tonight, and tomorrow is the Governor's Ball at Governor's Island. I can't wait! Good vibes all around.

Ready, Able

When I stop and think about summer, my mind always time travels back to my childhood.

My summer days as a 10-year old were so joyous and carefree. I would spend countless hours outside with my twin brother and my two next door neighbors / best friends at the time, Allison and Sarah. We'd spend our days playing in sandboxes, running through sprinklers, and hiding out in our secret treehouse in the woods. We ran away from home a lot to go adventuring in the woods. We'd chase down cars so they'd buy our watered-down lemonade. We'd have yard sales where we'd try to sell our toys for ridiculously high prices (so of course we never made any money). We'd find tadpoles and lug them around the block in a wagon so we could sell them as pets (our only client was one of our friends). Hell, one time we drew a long line of chalk in the middle of the street that spanned the entire neighborhood, because we were convinced we'd break a world-record for the longest line of chalk and somehow win lots of money (a simple google maps search indicates that our line of chalk was just a measly 0.6 miles long). I had my share of failed get-rich-quick schemes as a child, didn't I?

As I grew older, summer continued to be my favorite season of the year, primarily because I had so much freedom. I could ride my bike with friends to 7-11 for slurpees if I wanted to. I could go swimming at the beach. I could go camping (fun fact: I love the smell of campfire smoke). I could spend countless days per summer running around Six Flags (I used the hell out of my season pass). I could go on family vacations, my favorite of which have been my trips to the Outer Banks (speaking of which, I'm go back to OBX next week with Jen and some friends).

After I moved out of the house and went to college, freedom became more of an everyday thing, and the summertime no longer regularly gave me that same specific feeling that it once did. Every once in a while, however, as temperatures rise and the sun starts gleaming in my eyes, that feeling comes back, even if it's just for a second. A brief burst of nostalgia. A sense of feeling hopeful and free.

And over the last few days, I've really felt it again. Maybe the summer air has reinvigorated my spirits? I've got high hopes for the future; plans that break down the boundaries of the last seven months of my life and embrace growth and happiness. The gears are in motion, and I'm ready.

An End Has A Start

What a beautiful day for a rapture.

It's quite ridiculous how some people are legitimately convinced that today is the end of days. Although I must say, I'm kind of enjoying all the attention this charade is getting, and I honestly wouldn't be too upset if the world did in fact end today.

Now I know that sounds depressing, but I don't necessarily mean that in a gloomy or pessimistic aspect. For me, the concept of death has always had a certain allure to it, ever since that day as a young child when a morbid but very serious thought first hit me - we're all going to die someday. That concept has been on my mind fairly regularly since that day, and I believe it has changed my outlook on life. I've become a generally more optimistic person (maybe a little less so as of recently, but life naturally has its share of up and downs) because I've grown to appreciate the wonderful people and the beautiful world around me, and, in keeping with the "live each day like it's your last"-mentality, I've been trying to put a positive spin on even the most negative of situations.

I've always been a big fan of closure. For instance, as much as I don't want some of my favorite TV shows to go off the air, I typically tend to enjoy series finales the most because I enjoy seeing how everything comes to an end. And honestly, our lives are the greatest stories ever told. So you can really blame me for wondering how it all ends?

Luckily, the world will not actually be ending today, and the show must go on. I'm excited. We've got lots and lots of story left to cover.

Cult Logic

I'm realizing more and more that I prefer hanging out with smaller groups of people as opposed to the more commonly practiced "everyone's invited" social outing structure. Sure, I love seeing a lot of my friends together in one place, especially if I've been away in Maryland for several weeks prior. But hanging out exclusively at parties in a giant collective dilutes the potential for bonding or catching up or having interactions with much depth to it. Can anyone else relate to this or is it just me? I shouldn't feel almost as disconnected when I'm surrounded by friends as I do when I'm over a hundred miles away.

Hopefully I'll find plenty of opportunities this summer to chill with friends on a more personal basis.

Desire Lines

I can't believe it's been six months since I've started this job. I can't believe it's been a year since I graduated. And now a handful of my younger friends (who will probably always be known to me as "the juniors") are graduating too. Where did the time go?

You know, a lot of people claim that the "real world" sucks. And, I mean, I guess it often does. You'll never be as worry-free as you were during your childhood. You'll never get away with the irresponsibility you might've practiced during your high school and college years. But the truth is, I've had a whole lot of fun over the past year. Sure, it ain't college, but it's still been a blast.

Sometimes I think about how much control we have over our lives after college. We're free to do what we want, go where we want, and become what we want. We're all at a pivotal time in our lives where many of us will be moving away and following our personal desires. With that said, there's no doubt in my mind that friendships can overcome the challenge of great distance.

To my friends who are graduating soon, please know that I am deeply proud of each and every one of you. I've become such great friends with all of you and I am extremely thankful for that. Many of you have said to me that last year was the absolute best year of college, and I'd have to agree. I know my senior year wouldn't have been as wonderful and memorable as it was if it wasn't for you guys. I have so much love for you all, and I genuinely wish you the best.

Here Goes Something

While I'm living in Maryland, I might as well make the best of it.

Ever since I spent an entire week adventuring through San Francisco, I've been in the mood to explore other cities as well. Considering that I live just 20 minutes away from Baltimore, and considering that I need to be more pro-active in visiting new places and meeting new people, I'm hoping to start exploring that city on a regular basis soon. There are a few areas in Baltimore that I want to venture to specifically.

The Inner Harbor is easily the most touristy section in Maryland, so of course I'll be sure to explore that area. I'm actually planning to go to there on Saturday for an all-you-can-drink event at Power Plant Live, which is a collection of bars and clubs located right near the water. The Inner Harbor also has the National Aquarium and the American Visionary Art Museum, which I want to check out at some point. Plus it's got a Hard Rock Cafe, an Urban Outfitters, and much more in the nearby downtown area.

Fells Point / Canton is another popular area which apparently has the highest concentration of bars in the entire city. I've been there once before with Jen, and the area is essentially a giant quad lined with bars, pubs, clubs, and restaurants. We found a bar called Moby's, which always has $5 pitchers and $1 shots. I'll definitely be going back there.

I really want to visit Mt Vernon / Charles North as well, which are known as the artsy neighborhoods. They've got cool bars, young folk, theaters, museums, and even venues that are an interesting mix of a traditional concert hall and an art gallery. Nearby Hampden also seems like an fun place to visit, since it's got its share of unique shops, dive bars, and southern charm. These areas are supposedly like Brooklyn's Williamsburg, Philadelphia's South Street, San Francisco's Haight Street, or Montreal's Rue Saint-Denis.

I'm really excited about exploring Baltimore. Hopefully I'll meet some cool people there and find an awesome bar to become a "regular" at (my goal in life, obviously). And as excited as I am about venturing solo, I'd love for you all to join me as well. This is an open invitation to all of my friends to visit me anytime, and we'll go bar-hopping and adventuring!

Walkabout

Anyone who knows me is well aware that I'm a talkative individual (I'm also the slowest eater ever, but that basically ties into me not knowing when to stop talking). Well, I haven't made any new friends in Maryland yet, and pretty much everyone at my job is significantly older than me, so I've actually deviated from my usual, talkative self.

I spend most of my time alone when I'm down here, but I don't always mind. Sometimes I'm perfectly happy. I have so much time to relax and do all the lazy things I do best (listen to music, watch TV shows and movies, play video games, and surf the internet). Spending all of this quality time with myself also means that I've been doing a lot of thinking, which gives me plenty of chances to self-reflect. I'm also working on finding new hobbies, adventuring more frequently, embracing an open mind, and sorting our my life goals. So, in many ways, I feel that my time spent in Maryland is sort of like a rite of passage or a walkabout of self-discovery.

If I really wanted to, I could move back. And the truth is, sometimes I feel so lonely and homesick (granted it's getting better) that I want to leave. But for the time being, I think it's best for me to stay put for at least a full year from now and see where this journey takes me, both professionally and spiritually.

Go With The Flow

To be perfectly honest, I'm feeling pretty good right now.

I recently got my new camera! It's a Canon EOS 60D. I still have to work out the kinks, and I still have a lot to learn in terms of digital photography, but I'm really excited about it.

The last few weeks have been amazing for concerts. About two weeks ago, I drove to Pennsylvania after work to visit Mark. I got to see his new place, and then we took the train to Philadelphia for the Cut Copy concert. It was easily the best concert I've seen in quite a while. The crowd was incredible; everyone was singing and dancing and jumping and getting really into it. We took the train back and continued drinking until 3:30 in the morning. It was awesome. Also, I embarked on a spontaneous roadtrip to TCNJ after work last week to see a free, acoustic Anthony Green show. I actually had just found out about the concert that same day, but going was pretty much a no-brainer since Anthony Green is my hero and I've missed an opportunity to see him before. While at TCNJ, I had dinner with Jenny and even ran into my friend Michelle from my old job at Fort Monmouth (she used to go to TCNJ but has since graduated, so the odds of us seeing each other there is mind-blowing, really). I was standing front-and-center when Anthony Green came on stage; I could literally reach out and touch him if I wanted to. He made lots of conversation with the audience throughout the show, and I got to meet him afterwards. As we were taking a picture together, "Hysteria" by Muse started playing on the radio and we were both singing the lyrics. It pretty much made my life.

I attended a seminar in Virginia for work yesterday, and it was pretty good. I learned a lot about the company. For instance, Mitre apparently proposed a redesign of the airspace over the New York / New Jersey / Pennsylvania metropolitan area so that more air traffic can flow thorough more efficiently, which the FAA eventually adopted. It's really fascinating stuff. My favorite part of the whole seminar, however, was networking with other employees from around the world. I finally met lots of cool Mitre people who are my age, but of course they live in the Washington D.C. area. I also made contacts from the west coast (Seattle, Portland, etc.) and had some really interesting conversations with those people. I'm now more inspired than ever to maybe move to the west coast someday.

Two weekends ago, I went to Atlantic City with Frankie for Beerfest, which was pretty solid. As for this weekend, I spent friday night at Rowan for Frankie's birthday. The EZX party on saturday was basically a Ramapo reunion, and I seriously have not had that much fun at a party in quite some time. A bunch of people crashed at my house that night, and we were all hanging out hungover the next day. It was the best. I want to live in a house with all of my friends and laugh at everything always.

Take It Easy

If there's one thing I've practiced a lot over the last few months, it's worrying too much about everything. It's gotten to the point where I'm giving myself anxiety attacks from time to time.

I'm told that I'm going through "adjustment disorder" and was hence prescribed medicine, but, I mean, fuck that. Pharmaceutically-engineered happiness feels inherently wrong; happiness is something we create ourselves. I really don't think I'm experiencing anything that I can't get through on my own. I just need to stop being so edgy, dramatic, and paranoid. But I also need to stop beating myself up for acting this way. Wow, this is awfully confessional of me.

Sometimes I get so caught up in thinking about life in a micro-sense, and then I look up at the stars and remember how fucking wonderful life is.

California Dreamin'

Last week, I took a week-long vacation to the west coast with Chris and Kasey to visit Andrew and Amanda. I spent the entire week adventuring throughout San Francisco (we originally intended to visit Portland, Oregon, but that actually fell through) with great company.

Our plane arrived in San Francisco on saturday night. It was pouring (the forecast actually expected rain for the entire week, but it didn't end up being that bad). Chris and I took a shuttle to Andrew's place, where we had dinner with Andrew, Amanda, Kasey, and Amanda's roommate Adri, and got really, really fucked up afterwards. San Francisco was off to a good start.

On sunday, Andrew, Chris, and I got brunch at a diner in Outer Sunset before hopping on a MUNI bus towards downtown San Francisco to see Amanda's apartment. Amanda and Adri have a really nice place and arguably the coolest pair of cats I've ever met (they lounge around and wrestle each other and scale the walls and chase lasers and pretty much own the place). After checking her place out, we explored Chinatown for a while. At one point, everyone (but me) got bubble tea and they were shooting those little tapioca balls at each other and it was hysterical to watch. I love how immature we all were and I hope we can all stay that way forever. In North Beach, we found an awesome pet store (with a parrot who apparently tells people to "fuck off"), a cool park to chill in (near a church where we had a mini-photoshoot), and Banksy artwork too! Then we stopped off at some cafe and got drunk, followed by a trip to the Fisherman's Wharf for In-and-Out Burger (it was delicious). Our night ended in the Mission, where we spent our evening at a really cheap bar and got really drunk.

Monday was going to be our ambitious day, since we decided we were going to climb Twin Peaks. However, we stopped off at Haight Street beforehand to get pizza for lunch and explore a little, and our ambitions to climb a mountain were eventually foiled by countless happy hours specials. Later in the evening, I remember getting lost while on the phone with Chelsea, and then I finally found everyone and we had thai food for dinner. The duration of the evening was spent chilling at Amanda's. Since Andrew bounced early, Chris and I had to take the 45-minute bus ride back to Andrew's by ourselves. I don't really remember the bus ride, but I do remember it feeling really short and drunkenly rambling the entire time.

On tuesday, we had lunch at a cafe and then snuck up to the top floor of the Westin Hotel. The top floor was essentially a really fancy banquet hall. The view of the city from up there was spectacular, and we kept hiding behind curtains in attempt to scare each other. We eventually got caught for trespassing after maybe 20 minutes and had to leave. The rest of the day was spent shopping, eating an irish buffet-style dinner, and drinking at Amanda's. We originally planned to wake up early the next morning to get a head-start on our day, but our ambitions were foiled yet again when we decided to each drink our own bottle of wine (as you can imagine, we did not end up waking early the next day).

Wednesday was really awesome. I believe it started with me, Andrew, and Chris eating a very late brunch, and then we met up with the girls and went to Exploratorium at the Palace of Fine Arts. Essentially, the Exploratorium is the Liberty Science Center on crack. Everything is hands-on and just really fascinating. We were all running around like hyper little kids the whole time; I just wish we could've stayed longer. Afterwards we hung around the Palace of Fine Arts, which is a series of massive pillars and domes and such that was right along a lake (it's like an ancient civilization that was built just a few years ago). It was really nice. Then we swung by the historic Golden Gate Bridge, ate at the Asqew Grill, and stopped off at a bar in the Cow Hollow district. We ended the evening at a bar in the Downtown area. Amanda and I had some LIT's and had a really intense conversation about the origins of our circle of friends.

On thursday, we ate at a burrito place near Amanda's, and then Chris and I took a ferry to Alcatraz. Of course the day we decided to go ended up being the wettest day yet. But it kind of set the mood, I guess. The island was pretty cool, although there were lots of areas that were completely blocked off (we were tempted to ignore the "do not enter" signs, but apparently that's a federal offense). The audio tour was poorly constructed, but hearing stories of the prisoners and the guards while walking around the cellhouse was extremely awesome. Later on, we all got korean BBQ for dinner and we had so much food. I was in heaven. I bought a round of Soju and Bek-Se-Ju and we got pretty drunk (or at least I did). We ended the night at some weird bar where the bartender was quite drunk, Amanda and I had irish car bombs, and some couple that was making out at the bar asked Adri if she wanted to join them (she didn't). It was pretty amusing.

Friday was our last full day in San Francisco, and it was quite epic. I started my morning early by waking up at 9 am to go solo adventuring. I put my feet in the Pacific Ocean, explored lower Haight Street, and went to Alamo Square (where I saw the "painted ladies," aka the house from Full House). I met up with Amanda and Kasey at the vinyl record store, and then we shopped along Haight Street, walked through the Panhandle to meet up with the others at a burger place for lunch, and later explored Japantown (where we found a store that had this crazy toilet/bidet thing, and where I poured water over a bridge onto this asian woman's car and she freaked out). We started pregaming fairly early at Amanda's and ordered-in food, and then we walked to a club to see Gold Panda. At the club, we snuck into a VIP area, Kasey almost got jipped out of a lot of money, Amanda knocked the glasses off some girl and almost got in a fist fight, Chris got dragged out of the club by this bizarre-looking bartender for pouring beer on the register (because the bartender ignored him), Andrew argued with this fat, female bouncer after trying to get to Chris, and I was told to leave by the bouncer after shouting obscenities at the bartender (at first I was told I can't say that as I'm on "private property," so I stepped off the curb and onto the street, where I shouted the same thing again and was then told I was "loitering"). Oh, and Gold Panda was good too. Once we were out of the club and struggled to get a taxi for a half hour (Chris almost died in the process), we drunkenly stumbled back to Amanda's (and eventually Andrew's) and stayed up really late (hence getting no sleep for our flight the next day). What a night.

And finally came the dreaded saturday, where Chris, Kasey, and I had to return to the east coast. All in all, despite the fact that I occasionally got unnecessarily quiet and upset while drunk, the vacation was a blast. San Francisco is a wonderful city, where the food is delicious, the people are chill, the architecture is amazing, and the homeless are crazy. I feel like we covered a lot of ground when we visited, but there's so much more to explore. I need to go back.

Be Here Now

One of the worst feelings is when when something funny or significant happens and the person who would appreciate it the most is not physically there with you. In attempt to do the next best thing, I'll sometimes give the individual a call or text message to let them know about the event that made me think of them. But I feel it's more special to share that experience face-to-face, so I usually hold off with the intentions of telling them later in person. But then I just end up forgetting, or I realize that the moment was lost and I could never possibly convey the situation with the same depth and enthusiasm that surged through me at the time of its occurrence. So even if I do communicate the moment to them, it's just not the same. It's almost like lost potential.

Potential is an interesting concept in itself. I suppose it's essentially our capacity, but for what? The possible? And can we ever truly reach our full potential? Will there ever be a situation where we'll know we've reached our limits, and we'll believe that this is as far as we can go? I feel like you can always aim higher with just about anything, so how do you reach capacity? Or is potential really just a realization at a moment of time of what could have been but does not exist?

Sorry, I got a little side-tracked there. So yeah, the whole "you just had to be there" phenomenon drives me crazy, and it always leaves me wishing certain people experienced the same moment that I did. But who knows, maybe the person you've thought of had an experience of their own that reminded them of you; one that they could never truly convey to you either? So, in the end, you're still connected. Two people associating with each other at the same time, based on different memories that they haven't both experienced first-hand. Pseudo-nostalgia.

Companions

The last few days have been very nostalgic for me. I got to chat with my old friends who I worked with for two years at Fort Monmouth, as well as some of my family friends who I've been going on vacations to OBX with for several years now. These are people that I don't see or speak to on a regular basis, yet I still feel comfortable and as close as ever when given the opportunity to catch up and reminisce with them. I can see myself keeping in touch with these people forever, and that truly is a great feeling.

On a related note, I just found out that I get to attend a wedding in the future!

Also, I'm leaving for my San Francisco vacation in a little over a week! If all goes according to plan, I'll get to see Portland, Oregon while I'm out there too. So excited! The west coast is calling to me.

Night & Day

Hermit or social butterfly?

Trapped or free?

Dissatisfied or content?

I still can't make up my mind. All of this inner conflict is driving me crazy. I wish I could just pick something and stick with it.

Abrasion

Honestly, I'm not one of those people who thinks the internet is evil and social networking is completely decaying the fabric of our personal relationships (granted it has an impact). However, I feel like I'm dependent on internet mediums such as facebook, tumblr, and AIM both for passing time and maintaining relationships, especially in my current living situation. That's kind of horrifying.

With that said, I am taking a week-long, self-imposed social networking hiatus. Hopefully after a week, I'll have some peace of mind in knowing that I was able to prove myself wrong. Maybe.

Camera Talk

As many of you know, I pretty much don't go anywhere without my camera. And since my trusty, orange Canon PowerShot SD1400 IS has seen better days, I'm thinking of saving up and getting yet another camera this summer. I want my next investment to be a digital SLR camera, however, and not just another point-and-shoot compact camera. It's about time I get a more serious camera so I could learn some of the tricks of the trade, have an excuse to go exploring on photo adventures, etc. I've always wanted to make the leap to digital SLR because it's obviously more advanced and hands-on, but I really don't know all too much about photography. Luckily, I've got lots and lots of friends who are pretty serious about it, so if anyone is willing to teach me a thing or two, I will gladly repay you in free alcohol and high-fives.

Laughing Out Loud

My philosophy on life is that laughter conquers all.

When I woke up this morning, I instantly thought about laughter and how important it is to me. Not just for my enjoyment, but for my health and sanity. The truth is that I'm happiest when I surround myself with funny people. Exclusively serious people, on the other hand, piss me off. There is honestly no situation too serious for me to not find at least some humor in it. People in general are way too uptight, and I think the world would be a better place if we all just laughed more.

Life is one big, wonderful joke. Laugh with it.

The State We're In

There is a direct correlation between the state I'm physically in and my happiness.

My last few weekends in New Jersey have been fantastic, from various birthday parties and happy hours to nights spent in Brooklyn and Atlantic City.

My last few weekends in Maryland have been slightly better, but I'm still not myself when I'm here. There's just something about Maryland that doesn't sit well with me, and I honestly don't think it's just the fact that I'm lonely and homesick. I know it'll take more time, and so I'll give it more time. I just get the sense that it's not for me. And yes, I may not know for sure until I've allotted this situation significant time and experience, but there is something that can be said about instinct.

Sometimes I feel like I'd be happier and more motivated if I lived in a city or something.

Mindlessnesslessness

One of my new year's resolutions last year was actually to blog more, and I've been keeping up by blogging approximately once a week (4 blogs per month, really) since last June, and I haven't gone a month without blogging since a year before that. Crazy.

Today officially marks 4 months with Jen! And she is coming to visit this weekend, so that's something to look forward too.

I left my headphones at the house today (notice I didn't say "home"). I'm really bummed about that. Work is so much better when I can listen to music all day. There were a few albums in mind that I wanted to listen to. I always enjoy listening to music during my 25-minute commute, so forgetting my headphones is such a tease.

Speaking of music, I recently looked up concerts to go to in Baltimore. Dinosaur Feathers is headlining a show in March, so I'm really excited about that. A band I kind of know called Woods is also playing at a cafe soon, so I might check that out. I just need ways to keep myself active, you know? And if I can meet new people down here, that would be ideal.

It'll be kind of weird to go to a show by myself though. I was actually talking to Chris about this, and he was saying that it's not that bad if you really like the band (granted company is always welcomed). Then he told me about a band I never heard of that he wants to see, and I offered to give them a listen and go to the show as well (as it turns out, I really like the band a lot). This instantly reminded me of the beginning of my senior year, when he told me that he'd gladly go to almost any show with me so I didn't have to go solo, just because he generally enjoys concerts and is always open to new music. Here was someone I didn't know extremely well at the time, offering to drop a few dollars to see a band that he may have never heard of to keep me company. That really resonates with me. Money is simply material whereas music is more spiritual and significant, I feel. Some people are against paying to see a band they hardly know, but I think the trade-off makes perfect sense, really.

If I had an aura, I wonder what color it would be?

It's crazy to think about how all of our lives are taking shape. Mark and I are pretty much in the same boat in terms of the challenges of starting a new job and living in a new area, or atleast we eventually will be. For now, Mark is making a really long commute every day on top of preparing for intensive CPA exams. That's an extremely difficult routine and I really admire his perseverance. I briefly talked to Mark about this last friday while we drove around before Jenny's party. It was good to catch up with him, as it always is.

Is anyone down to have some serious conversations soon? You know, like meaningful life chats and deep discussions about philosophy and the fucking universe. I need more of those in my life.

I feel like people don't open up to each other enough. I mean, this doesn't apply for everybody; some people will literally tell you everything they're feeling. And that's good I guess. But in general, we've all got things on our minds and we don't really talk about them. Instead, we opt to publish ambiguous content to the internet as a means of exposing our feelings while still masking the truth (one of the shortfalls of the internet and social networking, in my opinion, is that it makes it more difficult for us to truly express ourselves). Of course I'm a hypocrite since I do this as well. But I'm always one for keeping an open mind and I think it's important that my closest friends can share with me what they're truly feeling, and I can do the same.

I'm not just talking about bottling up negative emotions either. We need to share what makes us happy. I suppose, in a lot of ways, we do through our actions. And we'll often get drunk and/or loving and/or nostalgic and share with friends how much we care for them. But I feel like we don't get into much detail very often. We know "what" but not necessarily "how" or "when" or "why." I remember when Chelsea put together a yearbook for me back in November, and I read such heartwarming words from many of my friends. But why don't we exchange these feelings and words in person more frequently? Let's spread the happiness. I mean, why not?

What even is this blog post? I don't know. But I like it.

Grooming For Greatness

I never intended to tell my parents what's really been on my mind lately. Not that they wouldn't understand, but I just didn't want them knowing how I'm not as strong as they think I am. If they knew I was struggling down here and having my doubts already, well, I couldn't imagine that going over well. My parents are not the strict and judging type and I can usually be open with them, but they're always telling me how proud they are of me and the expectations have been set so high. They expect greatness from me and I didn't want to let them down by telling them how my new life hasn't been too great thus far.

I spoke to my mom on the phone today, and I think she could tell something was upsetting me, so she kept digging until I told her everything. My dad called me later and we chatted about it too. They were both very empathetic, and now I feel stupid for hiding it from them in the first place. One thing that they both said which really stuck with me was, "we'll be proud of you, no matter what you do."

Maybe we'll be just fine.

Campus

I spent way too much time being nostalgic and looking at old college photos the other day, so I compiled a list of my top 10 favorite days/nights of college (on campus and off). The list is in no particular order and excludes spring breaks and my top college memory, which I've already written about (see “Timeless”). Let's begin, shall we?

The Wedding of Emily Zupkus and Joe Kiely:

What better way to start off my list than with a night that many of us will never forget? Granted every Village 13B party should make this list, but I’m just picking this one since it’s my favorite. The mock-wedding was an extremely fun night. Everyone dressed up and raged hard. Shawn was selected to be the wedding singer and invited me and Chris to join him in singing “Semi-Charmed Life.” I also caught the garter that night and allegedly “groped” some girl I didn’t know. The wedding ceremony itself was hilarious, and were followed by fireworks. Epic.

Broken VHS Tape & Matza Night:

I’m not so sure how many people can honestly say that they spent a completely sober night in college that consisted of eating Matza and ripping the tape out of quite a few video cassettes so we can play with it and have a very silly photoshoot. So if you lived in Linden during your freshman year and saw the hallway lined with broken VHS tape that was tied from door-to-door… yeah, that was us.

The Meteor Shower:

This night during my senior year started out in Erica’s Village apartment, and I remember the party being a really good time. Joia kept pulling me aside and offering me shots from her stash, so I got significantly drunk. Then a bunch of us stumbled out to the bandshell, and laid in the grass while being completely fucked up to watch the meteor shower. I’m pretty sure only Mark and Michelle saw any meteors, but the night overall was such an great time.

Octoberfest 2007:

You see, Ramapo never felt much like a “real school” in terms of people actually being on campus to socialize outside, but this fateful day during our sophomore year changed that. I remember my parents and twin brother had visited and taken me out to lunch, and then my friends and I spent the entire day taking advantage of the festivities. We were all legitimately excited for the first ever Octoberfest, and we partied hard all weekend. Sometimes I miss how fun and personable our small overlook parties were. The following Octoberfests were good too (I drunkenly DJ’ed the junior and senior year bonfires, and those were quite awesome), but the first year was easily my favorite.

12-Hour “Study” (Dance) Party:

What an epic day this was. We literally spent 12 hours in an ASB lecture hall at the end of the fall 2009 semester to “get work done,” when in fact we’d actually run around the perimeter of the room like idiots, constantly distract each other with funny pictures and videos we found on the internet, race on our bellies across the lecture hall tables, have tons of pizzas delivered straight to the lecture hall and have everyone play some silly “what should I wear?” youtube game while eating, turn off the lights while blasting music and using the projector as a strobe light to have dance parties on all the furniture, and really just laugh about everything. The fact that we can take what was intended as an all-day studying session and turn it into a ridiculously good time speaks volumes about my friends.

Risky Business:

I enjoyed many of my “snow days” at Ramapo, but this one from my junior year was particularly memorable. It was a lazy monday, and Chelsea and I were having a marathon to catch up on old episodes of LOST while eating an entire bucket of Twizzlers in Laurel 409. Mike, Mark, Alan, and Jess played Risk, and Shawn and Chris Scaffa were hanging around too. We eventually meandered downstairs to find Kevin French making pancakes for everyone, and then we found ourselves playing arcade games and foosball for a while, followed by a delightful evening of drinking… and of course, all of this was happening while Chelsea and I were supposed to be at a WRPR meeting even though the school itself was technically closed. We got a lot of shit for voluntarily skipping, in addition to the fact that taking attendance became routine after we skipped that meeting. But it was totally worth it.

Not Just Another Wednesday:

If I could put every wednesday night of the fall of my senior year here, then I would. But this particular wednesday night was definitely my favorite. It was in mid-October, and I remember getting really drunk and a bunch of us ordering Domino’s pizza. I also remember that Brian wore his batman mask for most of the night, and Mike wore his pink aviators. Aly became Ditto’s godmother, and we had a photoshoot with him. That night also marked the first time that Chris and I serenaded Chelsea with “California Dreamin” (she totally hated it). After hanging out for a while, pretty much everyone went to bed, so me and Chris ran around the campus and exchanged secrets that we weren’t supposed to tell each other. Then we found Tehila and Jon Charles Albert in the 2nd floor lounge of Laurel. They were both doing their homework while wearing emo eyeliner and we all hung out until the sun came up.

The Laurel 511 Inn:

This is one of my favorite incidents of my college career. Junior year was coming to a close, and I wanted to take a picture of myself in front of my door, as I had done in previous years. So I waited until about 4:30 am so nobody would be around to see me idiotically take a myspace-style picture of myself in front of my door. Upon opening the front door to my suite, I noticed a drunk girl sitting in the hallway on the floor against the wall. She immediately started crawling into my room, and finally stood up when she was about halfway inside. She started to walk into the suite towards the bedrooms, as I just stared at her in complete confusion. Next thing I know, she’s walking into my bedroom and starting to close the door behind her. I ran and held the door open, and then looked in my room to see her trying to lie on my bed. “You can’t sleep here!” I shouted as I grabbed her arm and lifted her up. She just blankly stared at me, and then walked to Alan’s closed door and started knocking on it. I walked behind her and asked, “can I help you?” She responded, “no, I’m good,” and continued knocking. I then told her how Alan wasn’t even there, but she kept knocking. Not knowing what to do, I closed my bedroom door and texted Chelsea saying that there is a strange girl in my room. The knocking stops, and shortly after I hear a door open. I open my door to see that Brian Reilly is now awake, and asking me if I was knocking on my door. “Oh no, it wasn’t me.” “Then who was it?” I pointed at the drunk girl, who was now apparently passed out on the couch. “What?! Who is she? And who let her in?” I then try to explain that I accidently let her in but have no idea who she actually is. Chelsea, Mike, Tehila, and Emily eventually came into my room and tried to help the girl get to where ever she needed to be. She then wandered off, and we never heard from her again. Then I decided to go to bed, but realized I locked myself out of the suite. So instead I hung out in Mike’s room, listening to Sigur Ros and talking about life until 6:30 am. Then Chelsea found my ID in her bra.

Stranded In The City:

I’ve been to a lot of awesome concerts during my senior year, but this night was my absolute favorite. Me, Mark, Chris, Mike, Tehila, and Matt Romanchick were going to see Portugal. The Man at Bowery Ballroom. We all got in a fight with the incompetent attendant on the train, got really drunk while sitting on the floor of Penn Station and talking about everything, reminisced about old computer games on the subway ride, made jokes at the mcdonalds about girls taking so long in the bathroom because they slay dragons in there (which random people went along with), and were eventually caught drinking outside the venue and hence frisked and forced to do push-ups. Once we finally got inside, we sat on the couch of the venue and had awesome drunken conversations before heading to the stage. Me and Chris shouted towards the lead singer of Temper Trap and got high-fives. After we all witnessed an incredible performance by Portugal. The Man, we realized that the last train was leaving shortly, so we darted towards Penn Station in a panic (Chris threw up in a bush while running) and ended up missing the last train. As a result, we bummed around the city until the morning. I remember the train ride back being a lot of fun because I was delusional and laughing about every little sound I heard. All in all, it was a fucking awesome night.

Feeding The Animals:

This was easily my favorite day of junior year. Chelsea was going on a roadtrip to Cornell to see a Girl Talk show with some of her friends, and she invited me, Mark, and Mike to tag along. The drive to Cornell was hilarious. We laughed about things we passed on the road and fired countless jokes. Michelle Fried rode shotgun in Chelsea's car, and I specifically remember finding a picture of her friend that was being used as a bookmark and saying, "this'll work." We stopped off at a Wendy's in the middle of nowhere, and I remember something about that incident was quite amusing. The drive itself was also breathtaking. When we finally got to Cornell, I remembed asking if anyone has seen the GZA, and we all started yelling out the window. We eventually got out of the car and were truly amazed at how beautiful the campus was. Once the Girl Talk set began, the entire room became a giant, nonstop dance party. I loved every second of it. The drive back was when we all truly bonded with Chelsea. Mark, Mike, and I exchanged stories about your previous years of college, and Chelsea shared her stories. We stopped off at a random diner too, and continued our discussion. It was because of this day that I feel like I knew certain friends so well that I wouldn't end up meeting until months later. I'd love to go back to that day... it was such a fun adventure.

Uprooted

Back in early November, I left my hometown where I basically grew up my entire life to move to Maryland. Aside from my job, however, nothing in Maryland truly feels like home yet. The excitement factor of starting a new life that was present during the actual move has subsided, so now I'm left with whatever dwindling optimism I can attempt to muster up. Needless to say, adjusting to my new life hasn't been easy.

The truth is, however, that I'm not giving Maryland much of a chance since I've been going back to New Jersey most weekends. The reason I keep going back? To get back to my roots. You know, surrounding myself in good company to bounce not-always-so-funny jokes off of each other and to get really excited when we hear songs that we never get tired of singing along and dancing too, all while being my usual wacky self? Yeah, those roots.

I'm wondering now if it's even possible to balance starting a new life in Maryland while actively staying in touch with friends from New Jersey. Or if I'll ever really like Maryland at all. I specifically remember worrying about all of this during a recent drive back to Maryland... that is, until I drove past a house with a chalk board on the front lawn that read "home is within."

Regardless where I am, I can always take comfort in knowing that my friends and family will always be there for me. I don't have to be in physical proximity to feel close to them. As for how things will pan out south of the mason-dixon line, I suppose only time will tell. All I can do right now is hope for the best and take it one step at a time. Maybe Maryland will work out. Maybe it won't. Life is trial and error, after all.