If there's one thing I've practiced a lot over the last few months, it's worrying too much about everything. It's gotten to the point where I'm giving myself anxiety attacks from time to time.
I'm told that I'm going through "adjustment disorder" and was hence prescribed medicine, but, I mean, fuck that. Pharmaceutically-engineered happiness feels inherently wrong; happiness is something we create ourselves. I really don't think I'm experiencing anything that I can't get through on my own. I just need to stop being so edgy, dramatic, and paranoid. But I also need to stop beating myself up for acting this way. Wow, this is awfully confessional of me.
Sometimes I get so caught up in thinking about life in a micro-sense, and then I look up at the stars and remember how fucking wonderful life is.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
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I think nearly everyone I know is going through some kind of "adjustment disorder" phase, but I think that's normal for people our age, ya know? This is such an ~in between~ time. It's hard to stop being hard on yourself, but just rolling with things makes it easier in a way. You're allowed to feel what you feel, you don't have to be happy all the time!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel like feelings are just chemical reactions, so medicating yourself to not be depressed isn't really a huge thing because theoretically, in time, your body learns to do what the medicine does for you, right? It's not something you'd be permanently dependent on to make you happy. Just a thought.
Also, I miss you!