Big Mouth

Growing up, I was commonly told how I was such a "nice kid." I was courteous, soft-spoken, and non-confrontational.

Oh how things have changed.

I've noticed myself becoming a generally angrier and more aggressive person since I began spending quality time with the big apple. I’ve been more prone to verbally lashing out at people who provoke me, shoving people who blatantly don’t leave space to exit a subway train, etc.

For instance, just this morning I had a confrontation with some middle-aged man at the subway station. I had just swiped my card to enter the turnstile as another man came from the other direction. We were at a standstill. He told me to get out of the way and insisted he was there first, so I responded saying that obviously wasn't the case or we wouldn't be in this predicament. He started yelling at me saying I need to move, so I began to yell back that I already swiped and needed to get through. Upon the realization that he wasn’t going to budge on his own, I pushed my way through the turnstile, shoving him with me. I then proceeded to shout profanities at him and continued on my travels. I must admit that I found it liberating to stand up for myself, even if I was as much of an asshole as he was.

In another incident a few weeks prior, I ended up riding the subway with a crazy woman who was declaring to the whole train how racist she was. She kept going on and on about how another passenger needed to “go back to his own country,” while the other passengers (including the passenger being ridiculed) simply ignored her. I feel like the unspoken rule of the subway, at least in these types of situations, is to remain unspoken. It’s subway etiquette to avoid confronting or acknowledging a lunatic, a rambling homeless person, anyone who plays an instrument, etc. Well, after trying to ignore her for several minutes, I eventually snapped and broke the etiquette. I looked at her and shouted, “nobody cares what you have to say!” My comment garnered some applause as well as a death stare from the crazy woman, and luckily that’s all that came of it.

I don't think the fact that I’ve become a more aggressive individual is directly related to my current job or the actual city itself (because I really do love both). Honestly, I think its just frustration that results from dealing with people so frequently. The city is crowded and everyone is in a rush and nobody seems to really care about anyone but themselves. Obviously that’s quite a generalization, but I think it holds some weight. Anyone who has set foot in the city knows it is not overflowing with common courtesy; not giving a fuck is the New York way. Considering it is already rubbing off on me now, I wonder how bad it'll be when I actually live there.

"Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard." - Mary Schmich

Personally, I'd amend it to say, “live in New York City once, but leave before you get the shit beaten out of you.”