When people have a serious conversation with me and are looking for advice or insight, I generally try to respond with feedback with an optimistic spin to it. After all, I feel like it has always been in my personality to emit positivity to others. I try to cheer people up whenever I can, usually with my sense of humor. And although some may argue that being an optimist and a realist at the same time is impossible, I still stand firmly by my stance of trying to look to the bright side of things. Sure, a particular situation might really suck in reality, and finding optimism in that situation could seem literally impossible, but it still helps to act positively. Honestly, just being in that mindset can do wonders.
Which leads me to my next point: I'm a hypocrite.
You see, the positive vibes I send out to others are not the same vibes I send myself. I generally look at myself negatively; that's just how I work. For instance, I may not show it very well, but I don't have a lot of confidence in myself and I've got a poor self-image. I think a lot of it has to do with being a twin and constantly being compared to him. I've been getting better over the last few years, but my progress has been regressing as of lately.
There's been some negative thoughts in my head recently and I've generally been keeping them to myself. I really need to open up more. But that's not always easy because, like I said, I'm an outward-optimist. I always tell myself I shouldn't be sharing any negative energy with anyone, as if it's out of character. But that logic is actually pretty stupid because then I just bottle everything up. Furthermore, the opportunity to share negative thoughts rarely presents itself. I have a handful of friends who I know I could always talk to about pretty much anything, but I have a difficult time initiating such discussion. I find it is easier to initiate when the other person had just opened up to me about something, or if the other person directly asked me what's on my mind... but these things don't happen very frequently at all.
The real problem is that I think too much. And overanalyze. And second guess everything.
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