Well, college is almost over.
It hasn't hit me entirely yet, but I guess in subtle ways it has. Over the last few weeks, I've been seeing the history of people when I run into them. My mind basically travels through a series of memories, from the first time I met someone all the way to where we stand now, and where we can go from here. I realize that with some people, there is no future, because it's impossible to stay in contact with everyone you've met during college as life progresses. But there is a good deal of people that I want in my post-college life. After all, I've met all of my closest friends at college and I don't know what I would do if I lost them. I truly am thankful for all of my friends (old and new, ramapo and non-ramapo) and they genuinely mean the world to me.
When I see the history of a select few people, I can't help but feel upset with how our friendship progressed. I feel some of my friendships have so much more potential and, for whatever reason, they are not where they could be. No one is to blame, because friendship is a two-party effort. Time is running out, so I hope to work on that while I still can.
It's been less than a week since I got back from Spring Break, which consisted of a roadtrip to Florida and a cruise to the Bahamas with Chris, Mark, and Shawn. We had a lot of sun, a lot of booze, and a lot of laughs. I loved driving down with great friends, walking on a private island, dancing on the boat, talking to strangers, staring at the stars while talking philosophy, eating tons and tons of food, and being completely immature before bed instead of going to sleep. My memories of that vacation are so vivid and I often daydream about being onboard the Monarch of the Seas again.
Reality check: I'm not.
Don't get me wrong; I love Ramapo. I consider it my home, and I'm not going to want to leave when my college career wraps up in 7 or 8 weeks. But with the final stretch of college comes the anxiety of job searching and the uncertainty of where my life is going. Do I live at home or get my own place? If I get my own place, who would I live with? Do I live in New Jersey where I have family and friends or move down south on a whim? If I don't get a job, do I accept my offer from Fort Monmouth (even though it's a position that's completely unrelated to my major and minor) and move to Maryland where the position is being transferred? My chest feels heavy every time I think about this. I much prefer being on a cruise ship, where I was miles away from the rest of the world and completely stress-free. I guess something about looking out and seeing just water was incredibly calming to me. I realize it's important not to let myself get bogged down from this post-college stress, especially considering college is not over yet, but I can't help but ask myself one important question...
If you've never seen The Graduate, you should borrow it from me and watch it ASAP. It was made in 1967 but it's so timeless. It perfectly encapsulates everything that I'm feeling, what I know that everyone else is feeling too. For me, that helps - knowing that we're all going through this.
ReplyDeleteI was talking to one of my professors the other day who's originally from Washington state, went to university there and at the end of his senior year, he had only gotten into 1 grad school, and they didn't offer him any money. He didn't know what to do, so he backpacked through Europe with a bunch of his friends for 6 weeks. He said that it was the best decision he ever made, because when he got back, he was able to choose to move to San Francisco instead of to Seattle with his friends. He was able to move away and do his own thing. He got a job in the Bay area and eventually went back for his masters and doctorate, and ended up here. It just reminded me that there's always options, ya know? We may worry about making the wrong decision, but sometimes the act of making a decision and following through is the best thing you can do.
- Corey