I just had a thought.
When people ask me to tell them something about myself, I always tell them the hollowest answers. "I'm 22. I'm from Tinton Falls. I go to Ramapo and I'm an accounting major." Okay... so what? What does that really even say about me?
Don't get me wrong here; I'm not trying to imply that all of this information I provide is entirely irrelevant. Knowing the history of an individual can be significant, such as where they live or work or go to school or how long they've experienced the journey of life. But that information does not define you; it's just a trivial label. It's information of minimal value. If all someone knew about me is that I'm a 22-year old accounting major, then they have no clue who I truly am, what I genuinely feel, and what my values are.
Yet, when prompted to describe myself to others, I still spit out the same meaningless banter. Why is that?
Maybe I'm lazy and don't feel like getting into detail with people when it comes to a subject as sensitive as myself. Or maybe it's not possible to paint a true portrait of yourself for someone in one coversation. Or maybe I don't know what I want to tell people because I'm not entirely sure myself. I know the expression is "if anyone knows me, it's me," but I still don't know how to put "me" into words. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel the people who have gotten to know me over the years through friendships can do a better job of saying who I am (in words) than I can.
Even though I just went on this rant, I suppose it's not going to change the type of responses I'll generally give people when they want to know something about me. After all, I'm not the only one who does this. We all do. We rehash our hometowns and birthdates and astrological signs. Maybe small talk is what people want to hear?
So I guess, at this point, you're expecting me to offer a legitimate explanation of who I am...
Fuck. Can I get back to you? I haven't entirely figured that part out yet.
Keith, we're so much alike it scares me. Why don't we talk more often!? I wouldn't be able to tell you who I am even if you offered me a million dollars. But I think that might be because I haven't fully discussed with myself that matter. Maybe I'm afraid the response is going to be worse than I want it to be because I haven't done much of anything for myself or for anyone else that deserves to be put into an explanation about myself. Ya know? Maybe that doesn't make much sense. In my mind it kind of does, haha. Ah, so it goes.
ReplyDeleteI miss you Keith!
It also find it so hard to say stuff about myself. I don't know who I am and I don't know what people care to hear when they ask that question. That's why it's so easy to give the meaningless response of essentially a/s/l.
ReplyDeleteIt takes a lot to be able to know yourself, let alone describe yourself to others in words. I agree that the people who would be best at answering that question are my friends because they observe me from an unbiased opinion.
These are things I don't think we ever know. I don't feel that to understand oneself is to have some kind of communicable series of buzzwords or an ability to provide definition. No one is unbiased, no one can possibly be objective. Perhaps self-realization is coming to terms with that it doesn't matter. You're fine. You're doing just fine.
ReplyDeleteAnd as little as it matters, this is interesting:
Wikipedia: Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development
"Fidelity: Identity vs. Role Confusion
* Psychosocial Crisis: Identity vs. Role Confusion
* Main Question: "Who am I and where am I going?"
* Ego quality: Fidelity
* Related Elements in Society: ideology
The adolescent is newly concerned with how they appear to others. Superego identity is the accrued confidence that the outer sameness and continuity prepared in the future are matched by the sameness and continuity of one's meaning for oneself, as evidenced in the promise of a career. The ability to settle on a school or occupational identity is pleasant. In later stages of Adolescence, the child develops a sense of sexual identity.
As they make the transition from childhood to adulthood, adolescents ponder the roles they will play in the adult world. Initially, they are apt to experience some role confusion- mixed ideas and feelings about the specific ways in which they will fit into society- and may experiment with a variety of behaviors and activities (e.g. tinkering with cars, baby-sitting for neighbors, affiliating with certain political or religious groups). Eventually, Erikson proposed, most adolescents achieve a sense of identity regarding who they are and where their lives are headed."