Lucid Stream

With the new year approaching and this past year coming to a close, I figured I'd take some time to write about anything and everything that crosses my mind as it comes up. My apologies in advance for the lack of rhyme or reason.

I've been dating Jen for 15 months as of yesterday! Well, officially it has been 15 months, but unofficially it's closer to 22 months. This is actually the longest relationship I've ever had, and it's the only one that I've ever felt this good about. I'd be lying if I said managing a long-distance relationship was easy, but we do everything in our power to make it work and truly cherish the time we have together.

People have been asking me lately who my favorite band is and I'd definitely have to say it's Deerhunter. The reason I've grown to love them so much truly was a matter of timing. I got into them around the time I had relocated to Maryland. It was a rough few months for me, between the winter blues and the loneliness that manifested as the excitement of moving faded away, but Deerhunter kept me sane. It was therapeutic. I was initially drawn to their latest album, Halycon Digest, because of the standout songs on the album that seemed to overflow with energetic optimism despite the generally pessimistic lyrics. The whole album had such a profound sense of nostalgia to it. I later became acquainted with their older work as well, which I'd say is much darker but equally as beautiful and mesmerising.

I've become increasingly interested in U.S. politics over the last year and have been keeping up with it almost every day. Seriously. None of my friends really follow politics as far as I'm aware though, so I don't really have many outlets to make conversational use of this knowledge.

Last night, I drove up to Cedar Grove with Mike to visit Casey, Kim, and Brian. It was really nice to see everyone again (I just wish Mark was there too), and it didn't take long before we were all laughing together just like we always used to. In these changing times, it's comforting to know that our friendship will be constant.

I've been trying really hard to keep an open mind. Whereas some may have explicitly dismissed friends based on a particular instance or openly judged others based on the choices they've made, I've tried to see things from every point of view. Society often tends to be narrowminded and thinks that the world is black or white, right or wrong, and that simply is not the case. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions of course. I admit, however, that I still sometimes find myself falling short and succumbing to being narrowminded, judgmental, or naive. This is something I'll need to continue to work at. Honestly, we all should.

Quite a few people have been asking me how my job has been going and I'm never really sure how to respond; I feel like there isn't much to talk about really. It's sort of a shame that I spend the majority of my waking hours at this job and I can't even translate that into basic conversation.

I've found myself thinking about my old front end manager job at A&P lately. In a strange way, I actually kind of miss it. I met a lot of awesome (and some crazy) people there, and held a large amount of responsibilities while still managing to have fun. I've been reminiscing about Fort Monmouth too, and all the inside jokes I'd have with the interns there. I miss them so much. We had way too much fun at that job.

For quite some time, my short-term career goal was to become a CPA and work for a public accounting firm, and my long-term career goal was to ultimately hold a senior position in the accounting or business department of a federal agency such as the GAO, FBI, or NASA. Looking back now, I obviously did not achieve my short-term goal. Sure, I earned the 150 credits necessary to take the CPA exams, but I never took any CPA prep classes or even signed up the exams. I also wasn't able to secure a job at a public accounting firm because the economy was so terrible then. But I'm actually okay with that; I think I'd rather be a budget and financial analyst than a full-fledged accountant anyway (CPA is still a possibility if future jobs seek it). As for my long-term goals, well... those aren't my long-term goals anymore. I'm not sure where I even see myself in five years at this point, but I'm realizing now that sticking with the federal government isn't for me.

In just a few days, I'll be ringing in the new year with a bunch of friends in Vermont. I'm really excited for this week-long vacation. I'm finally going to attempt skiing while I'm there, and there will be a giant group of us living together all week, so I'm interested to see how everything will play out.

My dreams are typically nothing out of the ordinary, which is why one particular dream I had earlier this year ago stood out so prominently. I remember waiting in line at one of my favorite pizzerias to place my order, but looked down to find that I was somehow hovering half a foot off the ground. I realized that I could use my mind to propel myself upward and float in place while airborne. It was as if I was using a jet pack without the jet pack. After realizing I could hover, I remember walking out to a random field with Mark and attempting to see how high I could propel myself. I got maybe 50 feet in the air or so and then I just kind of floated up there and admired the view. And after having that dream, I've found myself hovering in later dreams from time to time, like it's no big deal. It's as if my dream-self had actually learned the ability to hover. My only complaint with my hover ability, however, is that it doesn't really give me much horizontal mobility, so I definitely would not consider it as flying.

I want to start practicing lucid dreaming. Maybe one day I will learn to fly?