One of my new year's resolutions last year was actually to blog more, and I've been keeping up by blogging approximately once a week (4 blogs per month, really) since last June, and I haven't gone a month without blogging since a year before that. Crazy.
Today officially marks 4 months with Jen! And she is coming to visit this weekend, so that's something to look forward too.
I left my headphones at the house today (notice I didn't say "home"). I'm really bummed about that. Work is so much better when I can listen to music all day. There were a few albums in mind that I wanted to listen to. I always enjoy listening to music during my 25-minute commute, so forgetting my headphones is such a tease.
Speaking of music, I recently looked up concerts to go to in Baltimore. Dinosaur Feathers is headlining a show in March, so I'm really excited about that. A band I kind of know called Woods is also playing at a cafe soon, so I might check that out. I just need ways to keep myself active, you know? And if I can meet new people down here, that would be ideal.
It'll be kind of weird to go to a show by myself though. I was actually talking to Chris about this, and he was saying that it's not that bad if you really like the band (granted company is always welcomed). Then he told me about a band I never heard of that he wants to see, and I offered to give them a listen and go to the show as well (as it turns out, I really like the band a lot). This instantly reminded me of the beginning of my senior year, when he told me that he'd gladly go to almost any show with me so I didn't have to go solo, just because he generally enjoys concerts and is always open to new music. Here was someone I didn't know extremely well at the time, offering to drop a few dollars to see a band that he may have never heard of to keep me company. That really resonates with me. Money is simply material whereas music is more spiritual and significant, I feel. Some people are against paying to see a band they hardly know, but I think the trade-off makes perfect sense, really.
If I had an aura, I wonder what color it would be?
It's crazy to think about how all of our lives are taking shape. Mark and I are pretty much in the same boat in terms of the challenges of starting a new job and living in a new area, or atleast we eventually will be. For now, Mark is making a really long commute every day on top of preparing for intensive CPA exams. That's an extremely difficult routine and I really admire his perseverance. I briefly talked to Mark about this last friday while we drove around before Jenny's party. It was good to catch up with him, as it always is.
Is anyone down to have some serious conversations soon? You know, like meaningful life chats and deep discussions about philosophy and the fucking universe. I need more of those in my life.
I feel like people don't open up to each other enough. I mean, this doesn't apply for everybody; some people will literally tell you everything they're feeling. And that's good I guess. But in general, we've all got things on our minds and we don't really talk about them. Instead, we opt to publish ambiguous content to the internet as a means of exposing our feelings while still masking the truth (one of the shortfalls of the internet and social networking, in my opinion, is that it makes it more difficult for us to truly express ourselves). Of course I'm a hypocrite since I do this as well. But I'm always one for keeping an open mind and I think it's important that my closest friends can share with me what they're truly feeling, and I can do the same.
I'm not just talking about bottling up negative emotions either. We need to share what makes us happy. I suppose, in a lot of ways, we do through our actions. And we'll often get drunk and/or loving and/or nostalgic and share with friends how much we care for them. But I feel like we don't get into much detail very often. We know "what" but not necessarily "how" or "when" or "why." I remember when Chelsea put together a yearbook for me back in November, and I read such heartwarming words from many of my friends. But why don't we exchange these feelings and words in person more frequently? Let's spread the happiness. I mean, why not?
What even is this blog post? I don't know. But I like it.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Grooming For Greatness
I never intended to tell my parents what's really been on my mind lately. Not that they wouldn't understand, but I just didn't want them knowing how I'm not as strong as they think I am. If they knew I was struggling down here and having my doubts already, well, I couldn't imagine that going over well. My parents are not the strict and judging type and I can usually be open with them, but they're always telling me how proud they are of me and the expectations have been set so high. They expect greatness from me and I didn't want to let them down by telling them how my new life hasn't been too great thus far.
I spoke to my mom on the phone today, and I think she could tell something was upsetting me, so she kept digging until I told her everything. My dad called me later and we chatted about it too. They were both very empathetic, and now I feel stupid for hiding it from them in the first place. One thing that they both said which really stuck with me was, "we'll be proud of you, no matter what you do."
Maybe we'll be just fine.
I spoke to my mom on the phone today, and I think she could tell something was upsetting me, so she kept digging until I told her everything. My dad called me later and we chatted about it too. They were both very empathetic, and now I feel stupid for hiding it from them in the first place. One thing that they both said which really stuck with me was, "we'll be proud of you, no matter what you do."
Maybe we'll be just fine.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Campus
I spent way too much time being nostalgic and looking at old college photos the other day, so I compiled a list of my top 10 favorite days/nights of college (on campus and off). The list is in no particular order and excludes spring breaks and my top college memory, which I've already written about (see “Timeless”). Let's begin, shall we?
The Wedding of Emily Zupkus and Joe Kiely:
What better way to start off my list than with a night that many of us will never forget? Granted every Village 13B party should make this list, but I’m just picking this one since it’s my favorite. The mock-wedding was an extremely fun night. Everyone dressed up and raged hard. Shawn was selected to be the wedding singer and invited me and Chris to join him in singing “Semi-Charmed Life.” I also caught the garter that night and allegedly “groped” some girl I didn’t know. The wedding ceremony itself was hilarious, and were followed by fireworks. Epic.
Broken VHS Tape & Matza Night:
I’m not so sure how many people can honestly say that they spent a completely sober night in college that consisted of eating Matza and ripping the tape out of quite a few video cassettes so we can play with it and have a very silly photoshoot. So if you lived in Linden during your freshman year and saw the hallway lined with broken VHS tape that was tied from door-to-door… yeah, that was us.
The Meteor Shower:
This night during my senior year started out in Erica’s Village apartment, and I remember the party being a really good time. Joia kept pulling me aside and offering me shots from her stash, so I got significantly drunk. Then a bunch of us stumbled out to the bandshell, and laid in the grass while being completely fucked up to watch the meteor shower. I’m pretty sure only Mark and Michelle saw any meteors, but the night overall was such an great time.
Octoberfest 2007:
You see, Ramapo never felt much like a “real school” in terms of people actually being on campus to socialize outside, but this fateful day during our sophomore year changed that. I remember my parents and twin brother had visited and taken me out to lunch, and then my friends and I spent the entire day taking advantage of the festivities. We were all legitimately excited for the first ever Octoberfest, and we partied hard all weekend. Sometimes I miss how fun and personable our small overlook parties were. The following Octoberfests were good too (I drunkenly DJ’ed the junior and senior year bonfires, and those were quite awesome), but the first year was easily my favorite.
12-Hour “Study” (Dance) Party:
What an epic day this was. We literally spent 12 hours in an ASB lecture hall at the end of the fall 2009 semester to “get work done,” when in fact we’d actually run around the perimeter of the room like idiots, constantly distract each other with funny pictures and videos we found on the internet, race on our bellies across the lecture hall tables, have tons of pizzas delivered straight to the lecture hall and have everyone play some silly “what should I wear?” youtube game while eating, turn off the lights while blasting music and using the projector as a strobe light to have dance parties on all the furniture, and really just laugh about everything. The fact that we can take what was intended as an all-day studying session and turn it into a ridiculously good time speaks volumes about my friends.
Risky Business:
I enjoyed many of my “snow days” at Ramapo, but this one from my junior year was particularly memorable. It was a lazy monday, and Chelsea and I were having a marathon to catch up on old episodes of LOST while eating an entire bucket of Twizzlers in Laurel 409. Mike, Mark, Alan, and Jess played Risk, and Shawn and Chris Scaffa were hanging around too. We eventually meandered downstairs to find Kevin French making pancakes for everyone, and then we found ourselves playing arcade games and foosball for a while, followed by a delightful evening of drinking… and of course, all of this was happening while Chelsea and I were supposed to be at a WRPR meeting even though the school itself was technically closed. We got a lot of shit for voluntarily skipping, in addition to the fact that taking attendance became routine after we skipped that meeting. But it was totally worth it.
Not Just Another Wednesday:
If I could put every wednesday night of the fall of my senior year here, then I would. But this particular wednesday night was definitely my favorite. It was in mid-October, and I remember getting really drunk and a bunch of us ordering Domino’s pizza. I also remember that Brian wore his batman mask for most of the night, and Mike wore his pink aviators. Aly became Ditto’s godmother, and we had a photoshoot with him. That night also marked the first time that Chris and I serenaded Chelsea with “California Dreamin” (she totally hated it). After hanging out for a while, pretty much everyone went to bed, so me and Chris ran around the campus and exchanged secrets that we weren’t supposed to tell each other. Then we found Tehila and Jon Charles Albert in the 2nd floor lounge of Laurel. They were both doing their homework while wearing emo eyeliner and we all hung out until the sun came up.
The Laurel 511 Inn:
This is one of my favorite incidents of my college career. Junior year was coming to a close, and I wanted to take a picture of myself in front of my door, as I had done in previous years. So I waited until about 4:30 am so nobody would be around to see me idiotically take a myspace-style picture of myself in front of my door. Upon opening the front door to my suite, I noticed a drunk girl sitting in the hallway on the floor against the wall. She immediately started crawling into my room, and finally stood up when she was about halfway inside. She started to walk into the suite towards the bedrooms, as I just stared at her in complete confusion. Next thing I know, she’s walking into my bedroom and starting to close the door behind her. I ran and held the door open, and then looked in my room to see her trying to lie on my bed. “You can’t sleep here!” I shouted as I grabbed her arm and lifted her up. She just blankly stared at me, and then walked to Alan’s closed door and started knocking on it. I walked behind her and asked, “can I help you?” She responded, “no, I’m good,” and continued knocking. I then told her how Alan wasn’t even there, but she kept knocking. Not knowing what to do, I closed my bedroom door and texted Chelsea saying that there is a strange girl in my room. The knocking stops, and shortly after I hear a door open. I open my door to see that Brian Reilly is now awake, and asking me if I was knocking on my door. “Oh no, it wasn’t me.” “Then who was it?” I pointed at the drunk girl, who was now apparently passed out on the couch. “What?! Who is she? And who let her in?” I then try to explain that I accidently let her in but have no idea who she actually is. Chelsea, Mike, Tehila, and Emily eventually came into my room and tried to help the girl get to where ever she needed to be. She then wandered off, and we never heard from her again. Then I decided to go to bed, but realized I locked myself out of the suite. So instead I hung out in Mike’s room, listening to Sigur Ros and talking about life until 6:30 am. Then Chelsea found my ID in her bra.
Stranded In The City:
I’ve been to a lot of awesome concerts during my senior year, but this night was my absolute favorite. Me, Mark, Chris, Mike, Tehila, and Matt Romanchick were going to see Portugal. The Man at Bowery Ballroom. We all got in a fight with the incompetent attendant on the train, got really drunk while sitting on the floor of Penn Station and talking about everything, reminisced about old computer games on the subway ride, made jokes at the mcdonalds about girls taking so long in the bathroom because they slay dragons in there (which random people went along with), and were eventually caught drinking outside the venue and hence frisked and forced to do push-ups. Once we finally got inside, we sat on the couch of the venue and had awesome drunken conversations before heading to the stage. Me and Chris shouted towards the lead singer of Temper Trap and got high-fives. After we all witnessed an incredible performance by Portugal. The Man, we realized that the last train was leaving shortly, so we darted towards Penn Station in a panic (Chris threw up in a bush while running) and ended up missing the last train. As a result, we bummed around the city until the morning. I remember the train ride back being a lot of fun because I was delusional and laughing about every little sound I heard. All in all, it was a fucking awesome night.
Feeding The Animals:
This was easily my favorite day of junior year. Chelsea was going on a roadtrip to Cornell to see a Girl Talk show with some of her friends, and she invited me, Mark, and Mike to tag along. The drive to Cornell was hilarious. We laughed about things we passed on the road and fired countless jokes. Michelle Fried rode shotgun in Chelsea's car, and I specifically remember finding a picture of her friend that was being used as a bookmark and saying, "this'll work." We stopped off at a Wendy's in the middle of nowhere, and I remember something about that incident was quite amusing. The drive itself was also breathtaking. When we finally got to Cornell, I remembed asking if anyone has seen the GZA, and we all started yelling out the window. We eventually got out of the car and were truly amazed at how beautiful the campus was. Once the Girl Talk set began, the entire room became a giant, nonstop dance party. I loved every second of it. The drive back was when we all truly bonded with Chelsea. Mark, Mike, and I exchanged stories about your previous years of college, and Chelsea shared her stories. We stopped off at a random diner too, and continued our discussion. It was because of this day that I feel like I knew certain friends so well that I wouldn't end up meeting until months later. I'd love to go back to that day... it was such a fun adventure.
The Wedding of Emily Zupkus and Joe Kiely:
What better way to start off my list than with a night that many of us will never forget? Granted every Village 13B party should make this list, but I’m just picking this one since it’s my favorite. The mock-wedding was an extremely fun night. Everyone dressed up and raged hard. Shawn was selected to be the wedding singer and invited me and Chris to join him in singing “Semi-Charmed Life.” I also caught the garter that night and allegedly “groped” some girl I didn’t know. The wedding ceremony itself was hilarious, and were followed by fireworks. Epic.
Broken VHS Tape & Matza Night:
I’m not so sure how many people can honestly say that they spent a completely sober night in college that consisted of eating Matza and ripping the tape out of quite a few video cassettes so we can play with it and have a very silly photoshoot. So if you lived in Linden during your freshman year and saw the hallway lined with broken VHS tape that was tied from door-to-door… yeah, that was us.
The Meteor Shower:
This night during my senior year started out in Erica’s Village apartment, and I remember the party being a really good time. Joia kept pulling me aside and offering me shots from her stash, so I got significantly drunk. Then a bunch of us stumbled out to the bandshell, and laid in the grass while being completely fucked up to watch the meteor shower. I’m pretty sure only Mark and Michelle saw any meteors, but the night overall was such an great time.
Octoberfest 2007:
You see, Ramapo never felt much like a “real school” in terms of people actually being on campus to socialize outside, but this fateful day during our sophomore year changed that. I remember my parents and twin brother had visited and taken me out to lunch, and then my friends and I spent the entire day taking advantage of the festivities. We were all legitimately excited for the first ever Octoberfest, and we partied hard all weekend. Sometimes I miss how fun and personable our small overlook parties were. The following Octoberfests were good too (I drunkenly DJ’ed the junior and senior year bonfires, and those were quite awesome), but the first year was easily my favorite.
12-Hour “Study” (Dance) Party:
What an epic day this was. We literally spent 12 hours in an ASB lecture hall at the end of the fall 2009 semester to “get work done,” when in fact we’d actually run around the perimeter of the room like idiots, constantly distract each other with funny pictures and videos we found on the internet, race on our bellies across the lecture hall tables, have tons of pizzas delivered straight to the lecture hall and have everyone play some silly “what should I wear?” youtube game while eating, turn off the lights while blasting music and using the projector as a strobe light to have dance parties on all the furniture, and really just laugh about everything. The fact that we can take what was intended as an all-day studying session and turn it into a ridiculously good time speaks volumes about my friends.
Risky Business:
I enjoyed many of my “snow days” at Ramapo, but this one from my junior year was particularly memorable. It was a lazy monday, and Chelsea and I were having a marathon to catch up on old episodes of LOST while eating an entire bucket of Twizzlers in Laurel 409. Mike, Mark, Alan, and Jess played Risk, and Shawn and Chris Scaffa were hanging around too. We eventually meandered downstairs to find Kevin French making pancakes for everyone, and then we found ourselves playing arcade games and foosball for a while, followed by a delightful evening of drinking… and of course, all of this was happening while Chelsea and I were supposed to be at a WRPR meeting even though the school itself was technically closed. We got a lot of shit for voluntarily skipping, in addition to the fact that taking attendance became routine after we skipped that meeting. But it was totally worth it.
Not Just Another Wednesday:
If I could put every wednesday night of the fall of my senior year here, then I would. But this particular wednesday night was definitely my favorite. It was in mid-October, and I remember getting really drunk and a bunch of us ordering Domino’s pizza. I also remember that Brian wore his batman mask for most of the night, and Mike wore his pink aviators. Aly became Ditto’s godmother, and we had a photoshoot with him. That night also marked the first time that Chris and I serenaded Chelsea with “California Dreamin” (she totally hated it). After hanging out for a while, pretty much everyone went to bed, so me and Chris ran around the campus and exchanged secrets that we weren’t supposed to tell each other. Then we found Tehila and Jon Charles Albert in the 2nd floor lounge of Laurel. They were both doing their homework while wearing emo eyeliner and we all hung out until the sun came up.
The Laurel 511 Inn:
This is one of my favorite incidents of my college career. Junior year was coming to a close, and I wanted to take a picture of myself in front of my door, as I had done in previous years. So I waited until about 4:30 am so nobody would be around to see me idiotically take a myspace-style picture of myself in front of my door. Upon opening the front door to my suite, I noticed a drunk girl sitting in the hallway on the floor against the wall. She immediately started crawling into my room, and finally stood up when she was about halfway inside. She started to walk into the suite towards the bedrooms, as I just stared at her in complete confusion. Next thing I know, she’s walking into my bedroom and starting to close the door behind her. I ran and held the door open, and then looked in my room to see her trying to lie on my bed. “You can’t sleep here!” I shouted as I grabbed her arm and lifted her up. She just blankly stared at me, and then walked to Alan’s closed door and started knocking on it. I walked behind her and asked, “can I help you?” She responded, “no, I’m good,” and continued knocking. I then told her how Alan wasn’t even there, but she kept knocking. Not knowing what to do, I closed my bedroom door and texted Chelsea saying that there is a strange girl in my room. The knocking stops, and shortly after I hear a door open. I open my door to see that Brian Reilly is now awake, and asking me if I was knocking on my door. “Oh no, it wasn’t me.” “Then who was it?” I pointed at the drunk girl, who was now apparently passed out on the couch. “What?! Who is she? And who let her in?” I then try to explain that I accidently let her in but have no idea who she actually is. Chelsea, Mike, Tehila, and Emily eventually came into my room and tried to help the girl get to where ever she needed to be. She then wandered off, and we never heard from her again. Then I decided to go to bed, but realized I locked myself out of the suite. So instead I hung out in Mike’s room, listening to Sigur Ros and talking about life until 6:30 am. Then Chelsea found my ID in her bra.
Stranded In The City:
I’ve been to a lot of awesome concerts during my senior year, but this night was my absolute favorite. Me, Mark, Chris, Mike, Tehila, and Matt Romanchick were going to see Portugal. The Man at Bowery Ballroom. We all got in a fight with the incompetent attendant on the train, got really drunk while sitting on the floor of Penn Station and talking about everything, reminisced about old computer games on the subway ride, made jokes at the mcdonalds about girls taking so long in the bathroom because they slay dragons in there (which random people went along with), and were eventually caught drinking outside the venue and hence frisked and forced to do push-ups. Once we finally got inside, we sat on the couch of the venue and had awesome drunken conversations before heading to the stage. Me and Chris shouted towards the lead singer of Temper Trap and got high-fives. After we all witnessed an incredible performance by Portugal. The Man, we realized that the last train was leaving shortly, so we darted towards Penn Station in a panic (Chris threw up in a bush while running) and ended up missing the last train. As a result, we bummed around the city until the morning. I remember the train ride back being a lot of fun because I was delusional and laughing about every little sound I heard. All in all, it was a fucking awesome night.
Feeding The Animals:
This was easily my favorite day of junior year. Chelsea was going on a roadtrip to Cornell to see a Girl Talk show with some of her friends, and she invited me, Mark, and Mike to tag along. The drive to Cornell was hilarious. We laughed about things we passed on the road and fired countless jokes. Michelle Fried rode shotgun in Chelsea's car, and I specifically remember finding a picture of her friend that was being used as a bookmark and saying, "this'll work." We stopped off at a Wendy's in the middle of nowhere, and I remember something about that incident was quite amusing. The drive itself was also breathtaking. When we finally got to Cornell, I remembed asking if anyone has seen the GZA, and we all started yelling out the window. We eventually got out of the car and were truly amazed at how beautiful the campus was. Once the Girl Talk set began, the entire room became a giant, nonstop dance party. I loved every second of it. The drive back was when we all truly bonded with Chelsea. Mark, Mike, and I exchanged stories about your previous years of college, and Chelsea shared her stories. We stopped off at a random diner too, and continued our discussion. It was because of this day that I feel like I knew certain friends so well that I wouldn't end up meeting until months later. I'd love to go back to that day... it was such a fun adventure.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Uprooted
Back in early November, I left my hometown where I basically grew up my entire life to move to Maryland. Aside from my job, however, nothing in Maryland truly feels like home yet. The excitement factor of starting a new life that was present during the actual move has subsided, so now I'm left with whatever dwindling optimism I can attempt to muster up. Needless to say, adjusting to my new life hasn't been easy.
The truth is, however, that I'm not giving Maryland much of a chance since I've been going back to New Jersey most weekends. The reason I keep going back? To get back to my roots. You know, surrounding myself in good company to bounce not-always-so-funny jokes off of each other and to get really excited when we hear songs that we never get tired of singing along and dancing too, all while being my usual wacky self? Yeah, those roots.
I'm wondering now if it's even possible to balance starting a new life in Maryland while actively staying in touch with friends from New Jersey. Or if I'll ever really like Maryland at all. I specifically remember worrying about all of this during a recent drive back to Maryland... that is, until I drove past a house with a chalk board on the front lawn that read "home is within."
Regardless where I am, I can always take comfort in knowing that my friends and family will always be there for me. I don't have to be in physical proximity to feel close to them. As for how things will pan out south of the mason-dixon line, I suppose only time will tell. All I can do right now is hope for the best and take it one step at a time. Maybe Maryland will work out. Maybe it won't. Life is trial and error, after all.
The truth is, however, that I'm not giving Maryland much of a chance since I've been going back to New Jersey most weekends. The reason I keep going back? To get back to my roots. You know, surrounding myself in good company to bounce not-always-so-funny jokes off of each other and to get really excited when we hear songs that we never get tired of singing along and dancing too, all while being my usual wacky self? Yeah, those roots.
I'm wondering now if it's even possible to balance starting a new life in Maryland while actively staying in touch with friends from New Jersey. Or if I'll ever really like Maryland at all. I specifically remember worrying about all of this during a recent drive back to Maryland... that is, until I drove past a house with a chalk board on the front lawn that read "home is within."
Regardless where I am, I can always take comfort in knowing that my friends and family will always be there for me. I don't have to be in physical proximity to feel close to them. As for how things will pan out south of the mason-dixon line, I suppose only time will tell. All I can do right now is hope for the best and take it one step at a time. Maybe Maryland will work out. Maybe it won't. Life is trial and error, after all.
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