Goodnight, Travel Well

I still remember where I was about 10 years ago today.

I had just recently moved into my current home on Sam Drive in Tinton Falls, and I was spending New Years Eve at our next-door neighbor's house. As we stared at the TV screen and joined "pre-stroke" Dick Clark (who could actually keep up with the official countdown at the time) in counting down the final seconds of the 90's, I remember seeing segments of the first full decade of my life flash before my eyes. And when the ball dropped, I remember looking around and noticing that the Y2K scare was as much as a fluke as I thought it would be. I remember celebrating the coming of a new decade (and a new century and a new millennium) and wondering what would be in store for me.

As it turns out, the last decade has been really good to me. Sure, I've had plenty of struggles in my life, especially during my middle school and high school days, but that's really what growing up is all about. I've evolved so much as an individual over the past decade. I've met so many extraordinary people and I've made so many wonderful memories that I will keep with me forever.

I wouldn't change a thing.

Tonight, right before the clock strikes midnight, it'll happen all over again. The decade will flash before my eyes, I'll smile, and I'll wish it farewell.

See you in the future, aka 2010! Happy time traveling!

Adventure Tour

Some highlights of the semester:

Screaming Libra Parties!

Muse at the VMAs + Fist-Pumpin’ on National TV!

The Maury Show!

Phoenix & Passion Pit Concert in Central Park!

Spontaneous Wawa Roadtrip!

Raiding the Berrie Center on the 5^th of November!

Meteor Shower at the Bandshell!

The Labyrinth!

Portugal. The Man + Push-ups + NYC All-Nighter!

Meatballs & Pasta + Ham Family Dinners!

Midnight Trip to the Reservation!

12-Hours Study/Dance Party!

Drunk Nights at Dave & Busters!

Ramabyss!

Random trips to Brian’s Charles DeDogg’s house!

Ladleful O’Gravy!

Epic Mute Math & As Tall As Lions Concert in NYC!

Fall Be Kind Listening Party!

Drunken French Toast!

Black Friday Adventure!

Ramapo Trip to the Devils Game!

Irelands at Midnight on Mark’s Birthday + Undercover Cop!

Exploring the Birch Mansion on a Snowy Night!

The Renaissance Faire!

Dancing to Bad Romance!

Sleep-over Off + Drugging the Other Team!

A Minor Detail

I just had a thought.

When people ask me to tell them something about myself, I always tell them the hollowest answers. "I'm 22. I'm from Tinton Falls. I go to Ramapo and I'm an accounting major." Okay... so what? What does that really even say about me?

Don't get me wrong here; I'm not trying to imply that all of this information I provide is entirely irrelevant. Knowing the history of an individual can be significant, such as where they live or work or go to school or how long they've experienced the journey of life. But that information does not define you; it's just a trivial label. It's information of minimal value. If all someone knew about me is that I'm a 22-year old accounting major, then they have no clue who I truly am, what I genuinely feel, and what my values are.

Yet, when prompted to describe myself to others, I still spit out the same meaningless banter. Why is that?

Maybe I'm lazy and don't feel like getting into detail with people when it comes to a subject as sensitive as myself. Or maybe it's not possible to paint a true portrait of yourself for someone in one coversation. Or maybe I don't know what I want to tell people because I'm not entirely sure myself. I know the expression is "if anyone knows me, it's me," but I still don't know how to put "me" into words. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel the people who have gotten to know me over the years through friendships can do a better job of saying who I am (in words) than I can.

Even though I just went on this rant, I suppose it's not going to change the type of responses I'll generally give people when they want to know something about me. After all, I'm not the only one who does this. We all do. We rehash our hometowns and birthdates and astrological signs. Maybe small talk is what people want to hear?

So I guess, at this point, you're expecting me to offer a legitimate explanation of who I am...

Fuck. Can I get back to you? I haven't entirely figured that part out yet.

Parallel Lines

There's something therapeutic about being "home".

But why is that? Is it because we're accustomed to it? Can "home" be considered one of the few things that we can all call a constant in our lives? Something we can retreat to when we need a few moments to collect ourselves or a change of pace?

Just being in Monmouth county while spending quality time with family or hanging out at a diner with old friends feels like a blast from the past. It almost feels like I've gone through a time machine. There is some dissonance, however, between my experiences at "home" (what feels like the past) and myself (the present). I'm not the same person I was four-or-so years ago. I've changed, likely for better and for worse, as has the world around me. Just maybe not at the same pace.

Of course, I'd be a liar if I were to claim that "home" hasn't changed at all. It's actually altered drastically in some respects, so I suppose even constants are changing. But there's still something familiar about "home".

It's nice to be back. Gimme a few hours though, and I'll be ready to leave.

Tinton Falls is "home", but Ramapo is my real home.

Overdue

Something recently happened between one of my family members and one of my friends and, as a result, things will never be the same. I mean, maybe it's for the best, but it still hurts to see someone go through all the pain.

This is just an awkward situation to be in, and it's going to take some getting used to. But I think, in the end, everything will be okay.

I guess what hurts the most about all of this is that I haven't heard a single word directly from the source, from the person I'd expect to find comfort in telling me anything that's on their mind. This is, more or less, becoming a theme lately. Maybe I'm just not an accessible person?

Bleh. I miss the depth. Especially with certain people. This is something I'll have to work on.

Words For Now

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

Clap.

Clap.

Handshakes At Sunrise

After a summer of working hard and living easy, I'm yet again standing on the edge of summer, looking onward and preparing to leap to the next chapter of my undergraduate college career.

The final chapter.

I'm not sure how to feel about life after college. For me, the emotions I'll feel upon graduating sits somewhere between anxiousness and excitement and being scared to death. I'd be a liar if I didn't say that part of me didn't want it to happen. I mean, I've always known that I'd eventually get my bachelors degree. Since a young age, my parents instilled in me the importance of a quality education, and it was a no-brainer to me to ultimately graduate from a prestigious college or university. And even though I expected to get here all along, it feels unreal to actually be in this position. All I know for sure is that I've got some great pals who are coming along for the ride toward graduation with me, and I couldn't be more thankful for that.

It was bittersweet leaving my job at Fort Monmouth today (I work in the Contracting Center). I'm obviously excited to be going off to Ramapo, but I'm going to miss certain elements of my job, like my fellow interns (Nicole, Michelle, and Nicole). We shared so many laughs and memories, and I honestly couldn't have asked for a better group of people to spend countless days with over the last two summers. I'm also going to miss some of the older co-workers who sat near me. They had such personalities, which is why my job would make an excellent sitcom. Marie was my favorite. She treated me like her grandson and we'd talk every morning when I got in and every afternoon before I head home. The contracting work itself was interesting too, and, strangely enough, I think I enjoyed being up early every morning among the coffee drinkers/addicts (still not a fan), and driving to work with the rising sun glaring in my eyes. It makes me feel like an adult.

At the end of the day, I packed up all my belongings and marched out of the building, but stopped along the way to wave goodbye, exchange hugs, and shake a few hands. As I shook the hands of my co-workers, I was constantly asked if I was going to stick with the government after college. I couldn't really give them a straight answer because I'm really not sure. What I do know is that contracting isn't something I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm going to want a job that's more accounting-oriented, I'm just unsure if I want to work in public accounting, private accounting, or government accounting.

Some preliminary ideas I'm having include working for one of the big public accounting firms in the city such as KPMG, for a smaller-scale accounting firm such as one of the few located in Red Bank, for the IRS in Freehold (Nicole Reilly and I have a running gag that we're going to work for the IRS just so we can carry guns around), for the DCAA (Defense Contract Auditing Agency) in Monmouth county, for the Government Accountability Office in Washington D.C, or for the FBI as a forensic accountant. Of course, many of these job possibilities might not be obtainable, but I can aim high, can't I? And if the job search doesn't end up being as successful as anticipated, I can always apply for a full-time position at my current job, which would require that I move to Maryland to continue working a contracting job for the Army (Fort Monmouth is closing and the jobs are being relocated to Aberdeen Proving Grounds). Like I said, that's a last resort kind of thing; not because I don't enjoy the type of work, but because moving to Maryland would be such a massive change for me.

So here we are. The final stetch. I'm game.

As for what the future will hold post-college?

Well, we'll know when we get there.

All We Have Is Now

Part of me feels like I’m cheating any potential readers out of an insightful, thought-provoking entry when I blog about how my summer has been going.

But the other part of me wants to share my summer with the blogosphere, being that this is the last summer of my life as an undergraduate college student, and so I’m doing everything in my power to live it up. So with that said, I'll save the deep blogs for later and pick up where I left off, by updating you with the past seven weeks of my life (in no particular order).

On the fourth of July weekend, my good friend Brian and I went on a vacation to Washington D.C. to see the fireworks and do other touristy things. We saw all the monuments, visited the Air & Space Museum, took lots of pictures, mastered the Metro, and explored areas that included the National Mall, Foggy Bottom, Downtown, and DuPont Circle. We saw the fireworks on Independence Day from the Lincoln Monument, facing the reflecting pool and the Washington Monument, which was breathtaking. Seriously, you need to see the fireworks in D.C. before you die. Afterwards, we went to a few bars in Georgetown, which was such a good time. All in all, it was an amazing trip and I would happily go back again!

As I’m sure you’ve read in my previous blog post, I was banned from Six Flags this summer (see “Out And In And In And Out”). And since that’s usually where my friend Kara and I go to hang out on long summer days, we had to improvise. Hence, Kara and I went to Dorney Park on a random Wednesday in July with some old co-workers from A&P, Amanda and Beth. I enjoyed the water park-half of the day more than the amusement park-half, primarily because it was unbelievably humid outside. ‘Twas fun, but I spent too much time in the lazy river (which, contrary to its name, was the complete opposite of lazy), resulting in a really bad sunburn.

My water follies continued throughout the season. For example, I can recall an instance off the top of my head in which I was aiming to throw a basketball into a hoop from inside Chris Scaffa’s pool, and overshot horribly; hence, the ball bounced on the table and knocked over a glass bottle that Chris ultimately had to clean up. Good times. Seriously though, the Saturday afternoon and evening I spent at my good buddy Chris’s house (yeah, I said “good buddy”… I can dream, can’t I?) in late June was really enjoyable. I got to see Mark, Mike, Chris, and Tehila, so that alone was worth it. And relaxing in a hot tub with good brews and good pals was just one of those moments where you’re like, “woah, this is a moment, right here. A really good moment.”

I actually spent a good deal of time at the poolside this summer. One Saturday night was spent at Kara’s birthday bash/pool party, a Friday night was spent drinking with friends at Dave’s pool/hot tub party, and one lazy Sunday afternoon was randomly spent at the Channel Club in Monmouth Beach with Ali, Alan, and Christine (where I accidently and unfortunately saw a grown man naked in a changing room… eww). Speaking of random events, other summer highlights included: betting and drinking at Monmouth Park with fellow interns, dinner with Mark, Casey, Mike, and Tehila in Red Bank, Medieval Times with Ali and company (followed by Tehila’s surprise party in which we made it just in time for the surprise), late night volleyball and drinking at Nick’s, going to Pt. Pleasant, the many meals enjoyed at Applebees and the diner, Warped Tour with Steve and Nick, and dinner in NYC followed by the hit musical known as Wicked.

I finally explored the South Jersey Shore this summer, and really enjoyed it. It all began when I went to Ocean City, NJ with Mark and Jason back in June, and it was a lot of fun. It seemed to be storming pretty much everywhere in Jersey that day expect Ocean City. We grabbed lunch at Mack and Manco’s on the boardwalk and it was seriously the best boardwalk pizza I’ve ever eaten in my entire life. I would totally be down for road-tripping to Ocean City just to grab a few slices during the upcoming semester.

I also went to Atlantic City during the second weekend of July with Andrew, Steve, Nick, and Nelson. Nick had recently turned 21, since this was our way of celebrating our coming of age (or lack thereof). We drank, gambled, wandered the boardwalk, and lounged around, making it the quintessential mini-vacation with the guys. Oh, and we also wore suits. The entire time. Even in the scorching daylight while walking up and down the crowded boardwalk. But hey, we got a lot of feedback, so I’d say it was worth it. A good amount of people thought we were crazy for dressing up in such weather, while others made comments along the lines of, “so who’s getting married?” Our game plan was to tell people we were on business, and when put on the spot, we told people we worked for Pfizer. The best was when people thought we were Mormons. And the Blues Brothers. And the Jonas Brothers.

My most recent South Jersey excursion was all the way down by exit 4B off of the Garden State Parkway, which many of you know as that magical place where families go to bask in the sun on the massive beach and graduating high school seniors go to get piss drunk, get random-ass tattoos (not to be confused with random, ass-tattoos) and probably have wild, promiscuous sex. I’m talking about Wildwood, of course, and wild it was. We stayed in Ali’s cousin’s apartment, which was in a small, private community with a pool that was literally right next to the boardwalk. The proximity was ideal for grabbing a quick slice from Mack’s (also very, very good boardwalk pizza), wandering the boardwalk at night, and getting to the beach quickly (although it still took 5 minutes to get to the water from the boardwalk). The trip only lasted a weekend, but I really loved the town and how relaxing the vacation was.

Last night, I went to Alan’s apartment to have a taco dinner with the Knoebels gang. It was great to see them again, since we haven’t all been together since our Memorial Day weekend trip, which feels like all too long ago. Today I’ll be going to happy hour after work with some of my favorite co-workers - Bryan, Michelle, Nicole, and Nicole (no, that’s not a typo). I’ll be spending the day after with my cousins, the weekend after that with Alan (we will probably go to NYC for a free comedy show), and a week later will be the most exciting part of the summer – my annual tradition of going to Outer Banks, North Carolina for a week! And this year, it’ll be followed by a week in Virginia Beach! So psyched.

So there you have it.

I will always have fond memories of the last few months, of the summer that never slowed down. I only hope that, even when I'm employed as a full-fledged member of society (this is me being optimistic that I'll have a job next summer, considering the crippled economy and all), I'll still be able to make the most of my time off. Hopefully these last few months are a testament to the seemingly-improbable idea that you can work a 40-hour full-time job and still have one of the best summers of your life.

Out And In And In And Out

Let me tell you how my day went today - I started my morning at work by attending a town hall meeting, which took up a few hours, and then went to Monmouth Park for my job's annual picnic. It was great because I got to wear picnic attire (t-shirt, shorts/jeans, sandals/sneakers), eat catered BBQ, drink as much beer as I wanted, and bet on horses. The concept of drinking in a work environment was foreign to me, but I really enjoyed it. I was able to stand around, socialize, and drink with the other interns. It made me feel mature, and it's one of the parts of growing up that I look forward to happening more often. The gambling aspect of the company picnic was fun too. I didn't go crazy dropping tons of money on horses, but I did place a few bets. I placed the minimum bet on a horse for the first race and the horse I picked got in first place, so I actually ended up winning some money. And best of all - I got paid for working a full 8-hour day! Score.

After the picnic, I went to Red Bank with Steve and Nick to buy Warped Tour tickets, which, interestingly enough, will be at Monmouth Park this year. Then Steve and I met up with Kara and her boyfriend, Bruno, so we could spend the rest of the day at Six Flags (it would be my second visit this season). Both Steve and Bruno used discounted coupons to get into the park, while Kara and I had season passes. We decided that we wanted to go on El Toro first, but I stopped off to pick up a souvenir bottle before hand because I was thirsty. The souvenir bottle was a good deal because I paid about $13 to get a big bottle that I could get refilled all season long for just a buck each time. Even better, I got a wristband that allowed me to get unlimited free refills all day! Score.

As usual, I brought my camera with me. Although we rented a locker before we got in line for El Toro, I held on to my camera so we could use it entertain ourselves during the wait. When we finally got on the ride, I whipped the camera out (as I've done before during previous visits) and snapped a few "action" photos. Score.

When we got off the ride and walked towards the exit, I was stopped by a security officer. "Hi. Could I talk to you for a minute, sir?" I agreed, and the security officer pulled out a picture of me, holding my camera on the ride. He informed me how it was against the park policy and then stated that I had to be escorted from the park immediately. Oh, and I was also told that I was banned from the park for the rest of the season. They took my season pass and all. Did I mention that I was the one who drove to the park? Yeah. So we were all forced to leave. Initially, the whole incident made me feel juvenile. So much for maturity.

It was pretty hysterical though, being, you know, banned. Kara got some great pictures of the whole process. As I walked along the security officer, I waved to people as if I was in a parade too. When I finally reached the parking lot, I was told that if I ever set foot on the premises again for the remainder of the year, I'd be arrested for trespassing; then he proceeded to thank me for being one of the most cooperative escorts he's ever had. How kind. On my way to the car, I ran into two girls about my age who were also thrown out for the same reason (one of them had just purchased a season pass that day). We exchanged our stories with each other and had a good laugh (we joked how the park was going bankrupt too). Oh, and before I was escorted out of the park, I asked the security officer if I could fill up my souvenir bottle with soda one last time. He reluctantly agreed. It figures a free refill of Coke would be my final request.

lol banned.

I'm Into Something Good

What a summer it's been so far! Although I pretty much spend every weekday working at my job at Fort Monmouth, I've been making my weekends count and I've even managed to squeeze some fun into my weekday nights as much as possible. After all, this is the last summer of my college career, so I have to make it count.

I spent the first weekend of my summer break in Maryland, visiting my older brother, Brad, with my parents so we could attend the "Wine in the Woods" festival. I've never really been a fan of wine, but after trying all the flavors from a handful of wineries, I really grew to appreciate the taste. It was a great experience hanging out with family in a forest full of people who were sitting back, drinking, and just livin' easy.  My second weekend was spent in a theme park called "Knoebels" in Pennsylvania, which is a free admission park in the middle of a forest (that you've never heard of before) that's not too crowded and hosted a wide variety of quality rides and food, as well as a huge swimming pool with diving boards and water slides. Spending the weekend in a creekside cottage that's in walking distance from the theme park with Alan and Christine and company was pretty much a magical little getaway.

My third weekend was quite an interesting one. I spent friday night celebrating Ali's best friend's 21st birthday, at Club Deko in Sayerville. I usually don't go clubbing. I also usually don't go gay-clubbing (as in "attending a gay club", not "clubbing gay people with blunt objects"... that's just cruel). But it actually ended up being a good drunk time, and gave me some hilarious stories to tell later. As for saturday, here's an abridged version of the antics: I met up at Chelsea's house in Toms River so I could hang out with Mark (that doesn't really make sense, right?) and we drove down Route 9 to make some random stops along the way; then we met up with Chelsea, stole a couch cushion from a blind child, picked up Mike, and went to Manahawkin to celebrate Jess's graduation at her beach house. Oh, what a night.

I also went down to Toms River again one evening to chill with friends, eat pizza, relax in front of a fire pit, and just be a kid again. I've hung out out with a bunch of my long-time friends from Tinton Falls and we've eaten our share of half-price appetizers and diner meals. I spent last friday night drinking with friends and last Saturday driving around Monmouth county with Andrew during the day, followed by a random visit from Mark, Chelsea, Tehila, and Emily (which involved completing puzzles intended for 3-year olds and late night walks on the beach). And I finally used my Six Flags season pass today for the first time this summer! Kara and I spend a few hours there and I had such an amazing time.

Life is good. 

And it's only going to get better from here.

Tomorrow I'm heading down to Medford (land of the super people... it's true) to meet up with Mark (and Jason) so we can spend the day in Ocean City, NJ. I've actually never been there before, and it's one of Mark's favorite beaches, so I'm pretty psyched about going. There's also a BBQ with friends that I'm attending right around the corner, and I'm also going to Warped Tour with some friends from home in July. 

I've also made plans to go to Wildwood for a weekend, Atlantic City with Andrew, Steve, Bryan, Nick, and Nelson for another weekend, and Washington D.C. during July 4th weekend with Brian! And I'll be spending two weeks in August at the beach - one week in Outer Banks with family and friends, and one week in Viriginia Beach. Add plenty of random hangouts, Six Flags trips, beach excursions, and maybe a camping trip in there, and you've (hopefully) got my summer.

I've got big plans this summer. Join me?

Learning How To Smile

Everyone is so fucking hard on themselves.

But I suppose it's in human nature to act this way. It's in human nature to anaylze ourselves and only look for the negatives. It's in human nature to get caught up in trivial happenings. It's in human nature to blame ourselves when it's not our fault. It's in human nature to think you're the only one who's going through this. It's in human nature to feel hopelessness and sadness.

"Sadness is nothing more than the cost of being able to smile every once in a while." - Shane Koyzcan

Why is it that we convince ourselves we're exclusively inadequate? Why do we beat ourselves up if certain societal roles, such as being in a relationship, are not fulfilled? There are too many people I care about that really get themselves down about this. I mean, who's to say that a relationship actually cures loneliness? Can't one be single and not be lonely? And why is it that we ignore how thankful we should be for what we do have? We have so much to live for, and so much to love for. Between family, friends, and ourselves, the capacity for love is limitless.

It's all about perception, really. And the way I see it, we're all wonderful.